Its Christmas everyone!

ITS CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! Its the time of the year which everyone knows best, exchanging presents! A time where friends and family members get together just to spend time with each other. Normally done at night where the big fat turkey would be out for us to slice and dice. A happy time for both the old and the young. Old cause they can meet up with all their family members and the young, the freaking presents!

Last night was Christmas eve where King Ji, Henry, Juan and me went out to TRY to celebrate it. We went to the curve at about 8 to have a good time. When we went there, the first thing we did was look for friends there. The place was pack worse than a can of tuna. In the end we managed to meet up with Tiff, Sze Mun and KLB, Waise and gang, and Victor with Fidi and their group of friends. Everyone was having a ton of fun while we were kinda just stoning around asking ourselves what to do next. Instead of chilling around there till the countdown, we left the place and headed to Tbun ( Cyber Cafe) to have OUR little Christmas celebration.

Finally its Christmas. Today i was suppose to go to Flamingo Hotel for a church Christmas party at 9 in the morning, but had some problems with transport, ended up waking up at 2. Woke up, and without even eating anything, im online with no idea what to do or who to chat with. Just listening to emo songs. Looking around blogs, blogs with a Christmas post in it, cause its Christmas and all.

While reading these post on numerous blogs and looking at all the Christmas pictures, I started thinking of the friends i have made this year 2007. I can still remember my first semester in college where i made a ton of friends as we all were new in college. The first group of friends i had in college consists of Tiff, Sze Mun, Kheng Wei, Dana, Belle. These 5 girls were the first group of friends i had in college. And now? We hardly hang out, let alone TALK! We have drifted apart. Now it seems that we have forgotten each other. I hardly call them, they hardly call me...

Then came the second semester in college. I had joined another group of friends. This group consists of Peggy, Steph, Eng Huat, Ashy, Mel, and Hui Fung. I managed to keep the relationship strong for the following semester. Things were going great and all till the third semester came. Everyone had forgotten about our group and started going out with other groups of friends leaving us hanging. Like before, we drifted apart from each other.

Christmas is a time of fellowship with the ones you love and care about. Where is it all now? Everyone is going on with their own thing. Not to say that they are not allowed to do so. But what im trying to say is that friends should not forget friends.

Today is Christmas and im feeling like im having Christmas all alone. As those of you who know me, im not really the family kinda guy and my friends are the best things in my life. But instead of cherishing this special moment with them, i end up doing it all alone...Thank God that i still have a group of friends who still stick together.

Its Christmas everyone! Cherish whats important to you before things change. Cause once things change, it would be difficult to get them back to the way you want...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Thoughts of the week...

For the past week i have been feeling loads of mixed emotions, have been thinking about my love life (kind stupid thing th think about) and feeling loads of different feelings. I myself am not sure if these feelings are telling me something... was looking forward for my holidays and now that they are here i feel that i miss someone... but im not sure who that is... and btw its a she... do i have feelings for her? cause i have been going out alot here and there watching movies, clubbing, parties and many more. and every time i come home, i feel empty on the inside, that something or someone is missing... is it love? hate? sadness? WHAT IS IT??? think i like someone but am not sure if i should go ahead and start to do my thing to get her. i kinda have experienced my fair share of bad relationships and im not sure if i should get in to another one so anytime soon... for some reason, i have not really learnt my lesson from my mistakes in the past. my mistake is that i move in too fast in relationships and thats why it keeps breaking up... i mean, what is the point getting in to a relationship now? there is a big chance that things might not work out, plus im only 18 and i have many more years ahead of me and things can change in the years to come. another thing is that im kinda scared that i might be PLAYED again... haiz... when i get played, others will think that its my fault that the relationship went bad and they would start calling me player, change heart, flirt... yea i know i flirt ALOT but i know my limit. do i wanna get in to another relationship? have a feeling that someone kinda has a crush on me( i could always be wrong) and im wondering if i should take advantage of that. its not everyday that you find someone who actually likes you for who you are and now just your looks.... but im not sure about it... i know im not the coolest guy or the best looking guy, or funniest guy or whatever, there are so many other guys who are alot better than me in everything and why would she wanna stick with me? In the past, some of my relationships broke up because she was interested in some other guy and the reason they told me when they dumped me was that they were not happy or things were not working out or not sure about their feelings... i dont blame them for telling me LAME reasons like this... but it just kinda sucks to be me when that happens lo... thinking about the past can really piss me off! but thank God that im really forgiving and i seriously let things go.. .although it might take a while... I have been in 4 relationships and after these 4 relationships broke, i think i have kinda lost 3 not girlfriends but 3 good friends. we dont talk even if we see each other every now and then... breaking up does not only affect peoples feelings but also friendships. during the break up, everyone one of them told me "I hope that we can still be friends." <<< SEE! i hate this sentence! because its a big fat LIE! they dont mean it! well.. not everyone but many... you say you still wanna be friends so lets BE friends. dont avoid me everytime you see me or something. if you dont wanna be friends anymore then just say so.... After all these, im not sure if i can feel again like how i felt in the past.. but who knows right? to go after this girl whom i THINK likes me or to just wait... i have been told that its only safe to get in to a relationship when i start working so that i can spend her with m own money and not with my parents money.... cause if i use my parents money its like they are buying it for them and its very different if you buy things with YOUR OWN money... have been thinking alot about my love life and i think it kinda sucks real bad...and because of this, i emo so much... what should be done i have to figure out myself and hope that i can pull myself back together...


enjoy life peoples...

emo and stressing..

You know sometimes there are times where you just wanna die for a while just so that you are able to get some peace in your life? yea i wish for that now.now i have like 5 psy assignmet papers to do and to be handed in by monday which is like 4 days away and i have not started a anything! there is just so much to do and its really stressing me out.. sob =(

And you know the times when you just suddenly remember things, things that have a certain meaning to you? the things that you are not able to forget or let it go no matter how hard you try? sometimes i wish there was someone i coud talk to about all my problems and able to get back answers. answers as in what i should do to fix whatever problem im having. have been trying to get certain memories that are suppose to be long forgotten but its just so hard, why the heck is it so hard??? and everytime when certain things happen, im not sure if i should be feeling sad, emo, pissed, or even happy because its happening...? everyone knows that you should always support your friends in whatever that they do ( nothing stupid thats for sure ), i mean like what they want to do with their lives. supporting them is the right thing to do but should i? i mean its like i would like it to happen but then again, who am i to make my friends choice? sometimes i think i should just go and support them in everyway i can, why? cause im their friend and thats why friends do, but on the other hand sometimes i just wish i could get what i want my way! but by doing that i would destroy my friendship with them? what to do what to do...?

You know what i think is the biggest change in me i have noticed in the last 2 months? i think the biggest change in me is the flirting part of me, for some reasons i seem to have kinda lost interested in flirting with girls... and if you ask my friends, they would say " Ben? Stop flirting? JOKE LA! HAHA" thats why most of them would say but due to some reasons i seem to have kinda lost that interests, or maybe losing it.

Feelings, feelings is such a strong thing that many of my friends have said that you are not able to controll it, i used to think that i was able to control certain feelings of mine such as liking someone, if one of my friends happen to like the same girl i like, i would just force myself to stop liking her, and it has been working. but now for THIS feeling, im just not able to force that feeling to fade away, maybe its cause its still there? izit? is it that i cant get over it or just dont want to get over it? if only all these could just STOP and just go away i think life would be alot easier....

but one things for sure is that i have loads of great friends who can comfort me when im feeling down or emo-ing and maybe thats what keeps me going. my friends who look out for me as if i were their sibling.

seriously if only i could make it all go away, or if not, it all comes to me...

update!!!

2 weeks ago we have our college leadership camp in trolak. had loads of fun there. henry brought his boom box and we like blasted the damn thing till the whole building could hear us haha. first night there, we were taken to the jungle for a night walk and a solo mission there! Our mission was to stay in a certain location for some time and just wait to be picked up by the jungle guide. OMG it was such a scary experience! haha jkjk it was kinda lame la, had no idea what we learnt from it but kwel!!! when we got back to our rooms, we were deaed tired cause we had an hour walk to and around the jungle for that stupid night walk thing, but instead of sleeping, we ended up getting high and playing haha. my room mates were henry and mahdi. was planing to sleep at around 3 or something but ended up not sleeping at all haha. the worse part was that the next morning we had to gather up in the car park for a 1km run around the campus! we were like WTF?? 6 in the morning and we had to run? the trainer said that the first to cross the finish line would get to be the first to have breakfast with their team! i was like so pumped up to get first cause my stomach was singing celine dion. when whats his name shouted GO! i ran with all my might and strength, but i ended up 4th with a time of 4.15 minutes haha not bad for a guy who NEVER works out lol. the most screwed up thing was that he said he "forgot" to mention that we have to cross the finish line as a whole group! i was like omG! he made us run again! sob.. anyways that was the second day lo, i guess the rest of the day was packed with loads of "FUN and EXCITING" stuff for the all of us! =D


But that was all HISTORY! Now the super kwel things that are happening in my life:
1) kinda finished with "most" of my assignments
2) henry made me cwarl under ALL the tables in DSA
3) nothing....
4) have 1 mummy in college, 2 aunties, 3 babis, one grandmother and father, and im considered as a mummy, daddy, and best of all, BABY! haha
5) nothing again...
6) nothing again...
7) man my life is BORING!


nothing special has happened to me recently lah! so thats my lame update for now! haha enjoy life peoples! KALAKONG! (mummy knows what this means)

Whats going on these past few days???

haiz.... HAIZ! Yea! a big HAIZ! for the past few days there have been loads of crap around my life... I mean like WHAT THE FUCK MAN! just last week i was called a player... yea you might think its nothing big being called a player, but its kinda a big thing to me for whatever stupid reason i have.... Its real pissing me off lar! argh!
NEXT,
My friends! Im a guy whos friends mean alot to him. and i get the feeling that im losing some friends, we used to be kinda close at the begining of the year, but for God knows what reason, they seem to bee avoiding me.. sob =( and i really just fucking hate it when friends start to be lan ci in front of me.. if joking i dont care la but if really lan ci then it just pisses the hell out of me!
NEXT,
seeming to be lonely again... all sorts of werid feelings are coming back again and new ones are popping out from no where. causing me to kinda feel EMO! argh! i hate that feeling! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!
NEXT,
there are loads of freaking assignmets to do! math (6 days to complete) english (8 days to complete with 1000 more words to go!) psychology ( about 2/3weeks to finish) and i have to go for this stupid leadership camp! argh! where the fuck am i ganna find time to finish everything!!! Finals are like onen and a half months away only! damn stress wei!
NEXT,
today went jamming. booked at 6. plan to jam from 6 till 7. was rushed to get to the studio, when i got there i had to wait for 40 long BORING minutes alone! when i got there they all still at home and i was like wtF? haiz. they said they'll be there in 10 m inutes or around there but it took alot longer then that! argh!



STRESS, FRUSS, EMO, PISSED! wow i can just blow up anytime soon... i really hope things would start to turn around real soon...


Mojo jojo OUT!!!!

Say what you want cause it does not matter to me ANYMORE!

UV NATION!

Las night, Uv nation was the BEST! damn cool la all the pro shufflers. if only i could have their moves... Sam bought me a ticket for my bday haha. BEN IS 18 NOW! keke.=D
Went there at 6 and it was so empty, but when it was 7, the place was packed with people. I think there were at least 2000 ppls! WOW! met loads of friends there, and was lucky enough to take a picture with a really hot chick! She was selling some funny face spary thing. lol but i got what i wanted haha! cooL!
Man there were loads of shufflers everywhere! so many diffrent crews there also. We danced there from 6 till 2 in the morning! none stop man! Thanks sam the the bday present! haha
Today is ben's bday! 10 June! Went out for lunch with TIff,DAna,BElle,HENry,PO,FIdi and WENG CHi. had lunch at TGIF. after eating, the ppls there bought me a cake, cool right? NOT! they made me stand on the table in front of so many ppls and they sang me some weird song... then after cutting the cake, i had a really good kiss at the cake.. stupid guys! haha. but i enjoyed myself! THANKS FOR THE SUPER COOL YET WERID PRESENTS! Got:
1) pink boxers with little hearts on it.
2)a pink shirt
3)a really nice rose...... with a freaking THONG IN IT! HAHA damn funny! thanks tiff.. -D


weird la these past few days, but i enjoyed it keke thanks for this week! =D



enjoy life ppls, ben who is now 18 and can drink, smoke, club, and many other things, is saying...












UV NATION ROCKS!!! HAHA

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANA!

Yesterday was a really long day. Henry and I had to go around collecting money from all of Dana's friends. We were planning to get her a really BIG teddy bear. At the same time, Tiff and Mahdi also had the same idea to get her a big teddy. Fortunatly we all decided to do it together. We managed to collect a total of RM220.00!!! See Dana! You have so many good friends! haha. Anyways, after collecting the money, we went to MV to look for the bear. First we heaeded to TOYS R'US(think thats who you spell it), we thought they would sell like really big and cute teddys. When we got there, the biggest teddy we could find was only about 2 feey tall and looked kinda weird. Then i was like " Wei, Henry! Memory Lane got loads of birthday gifts! When we got there, we saw a really HUGE and CUTE bear! The second we saw the bear, we decided to get it! Funny la, 2 guys going in to memory lane buying a really cute teddy and signing up for a membership card...... WTF?haha! Anyways, i hope you (Dana) enjoy your present! HAPPY BITHDAY!

Wednesdays SUCKS!

Bored in college! every Wednesday i have only one freaking class at 3.30pm. Woke up at 10 am this moring to meet up with Dana in college for MATH tuition. Was planning to meet up with Dana after her class which ended. While on the way to college, i msged Dana asking her where can i meet her... she replyed, "sorry ben, im on the way home..." Ben was like OMG! I want tuition from Dana cause i have a freaking quiz tomorow which im totally not ready for =p
Just hope for the best la i guess.... Dana you owe me!!! haha lol


have been on college since 11 am till now 5.... 6 whole hours doing nothing... what a waste of my life lol. I hate Wednesdays! argh stupid day... =P gatta go for class now lol...

Ben ben OUT!

ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE!

I've been thinkin about all the shit that has been happening to me lately i dont blame anyone for it, its just my unlucky luck. And i think that the way i been acting has been REALLY childish and stuff, haha. I've been so stupid for so many years not to see that God has given me so many good friends. Now my eyes have been opened and i see that all my friends really care for me and look out for me, and i have decided to be a better person to all of them! Im not the same Ben whom everyone used to know, i have CHANGED! You wanna know who i blame for me changing??? MELALYN! (lg leader) she is like the nicest girl i know! and i want to be just like her! although we are not the best of friends, but everytime i've got a problem, she is always there to comfort me and cheer me up. Not only that, she is nice to EVERYONE! There are also other people whom i thank for me changing, Dana, for being there to listen to me although she says that she has no experience with my problems; Tiff, Kheng Wei and Henry for talking to me when i needed someone to talk too.Sze mun who has been caring alot for me thank you so much for everything, Thanks to all of you! And im sorry if i have treated anyone like a dog or anything.

Im here to make you happy and laugh!=)

More.....

Haha life is just great. i mean i just found out that i failed me Malaysian Studies. WTF??? now im ganna have to repeat it again! argh!!!! screw this la.. sob.. =(

I know that more unhappy things are just ganna be happening soon....

life is full lof pain..... ouch.

The break up!

20th May 2007. Just two days more before two months of being in a relationship, and now its all over. I got together with the girl whom i thought was the one on the 22nd of March, in "study skills" class. haha really weird how we got together but we just did. We did not really get a chance to go out or anything, we would just see each other in college. During our first semester, all our classes were the same, and it was really nice to have someone you know who loves you and is there for you. But life is unfair and NEVER nice to you. She broke up with me because she did not really love me. Kinda sucks when it happened and it was kinda lame about not loving me. Was really ticked off about it, but thats life. Later that night i called her trying to patch things up with her, but like i said life is UNFAIR! And failed doing so. Before breaking up she had told me about the way she felt and that it was probably not going to work out, so we thought things might change if we just kept on going and together patch ourselves up. 3 days later she told me that it was just not working out. I tried to convince her not to break up, but she said "If we keep this on, we would be cheating ourselves" those were the words she typed in the msg. After that i was crushed, i felt like just jumping off some super tall building! I dont blame her, infact, in a way im really happy that she told me about how she felt and that she did not just want to be with me cause she just "like" me. I really loved her, and if she ever reads this, i ment every word i ever said to you... What was supprising was that she was the first girl to make me cry. CONGRATS!!! Although you did not get to see it but you did it! Yea i cried, not much but still.... Anyways, while i was so broken down i msged Mel ( lg leader) to tell about what just happened. She said "If you really love her you will learn to let her go" and to make me feel better she said,"It is better to be with someone who loves you then with the one you love" Yea i was told many times about this but never listened to it, i thought i would not have to go through that kinda experience. The most FUCKED up thing is that i have been helping friends fall in love. HAH! now look what happened! i just lost at my own fucking game.....

ASSIGNMENTS AND MORE...

ARGH! so many assignments! haiz i have an assignment for CTS and 2 assignments for Psychology and ONE for adv.english! why la!!!!!!!! so the diu wei...=( i just hope i can finish up all these in time if not im ganna get screwed BIG TIME! already emoing since last night for GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON, and today i have got nothing to do at all but these STUPID assignments!( asdkjfhaskjdhfaskjdfnanej ) <<<>

First blog!

Finally i have a blog for everyone to read about my BORING life. =) Intro! well im Benjamin Tan but you all can call me whatever you like Ben, ben ben. benny, benji, "Benana"^^ or just whatever you can think off lol. I have great friends whom i can look too for help if i ever need any^^,

There is really nothing much to know about me, but i think that if you get to know me you are not ganna regret it.