emo and stressing..

You know sometimes there are times where you just wanna die for a while just so that you are able to get some peace in your life? yea i wish for that now.now i have like 5 psy assignmet papers to do and to be handed in by monday which is like 4 days away and i have not started a anything! there is just so much to do and its really stressing me out.. sob =(

And you know the times when you just suddenly remember things, things that have a certain meaning to you? the things that you are not able to forget or let it go no matter how hard you try? sometimes i wish there was someone i coud talk to about all my problems and able to get back answers. answers as in what i should do to fix whatever problem im having. have been trying to get certain memories that are suppose to be long forgotten but its just so hard, why the heck is it so hard??? and everytime when certain things happen, im not sure if i should be feeling sad, emo, pissed, or even happy because its happening...? everyone knows that you should always support your friends in whatever that they do ( nothing stupid thats for sure ), i mean like what they want to do with their lives. supporting them is the right thing to do but should i? i mean its like i would like it to happen but then again, who am i to make my friends choice? sometimes i think i should just go and support them in everyway i can, why? cause im their friend and thats why friends do, but on the other hand sometimes i just wish i could get what i want my way! but by doing that i would destroy my friendship with them? what to do what to do...?

You know what i think is the biggest change in me i have noticed in the last 2 months? i think the biggest change in me is the flirting part of me, for some reasons i seem to have kinda lost interested in flirting with girls... and if you ask my friends, they would say " Ben? Stop flirting? JOKE LA! HAHA" thats why most of them would say but due to some reasons i seem to have kinda lost that interests, or maybe losing it.

Feelings, feelings is such a strong thing that many of my friends have said that you are not able to controll it, i used to think that i was able to control certain feelings of mine such as liking someone, if one of my friends happen to like the same girl i like, i would just force myself to stop liking her, and it has been working. but now for THIS feeling, im just not able to force that feeling to fade away, maybe its cause its still there? izit? is it that i cant get over it or just dont want to get over it? if only all these could just STOP and just go away i think life would be alot easier....

but one things for sure is that i have loads of great friends who can comfort me when im feeling down or emo-ing and maybe thats what keeps me going. my friends who look out for me as if i were their sibling.

seriously if only i could make it all go away, or if not, it all comes to me...

update!!!

2 weeks ago we have our college leadership camp in trolak. had loads of fun there. henry brought his boom box and we like blasted the damn thing till the whole building could hear us haha. first night there, we were taken to the jungle for a night walk and a solo mission there! Our mission was to stay in a certain location for some time and just wait to be picked up by the jungle guide. OMG it was such a scary experience! haha jkjk it was kinda lame la, had no idea what we learnt from it but kwel!!! when we got back to our rooms, we were deaed tired cause we had an hour walk to and around the jungle for that stupid night walk thing, but instead of sleeping, we ended up getting high and playing haha. my room mates were henry and mahdi. was planing to sleep at around 3 or something but ended up not sleeping at all haha. the worse part was that the next morning we had to gather up in the car park for a 1km run around the campus! we were like WTF?? 6 in the morning and we had to run? the trainer said that the first to cross the finish line would get to be the first to have breakfast with their team! i was like so pumped up to get first cause my stomach was singing celine dion. when whats his name shouted GO! i ran with all my might and strength, but i ended up 4th with a time of 4.15 minutes haha not bad for a guy who NEVER works out lol. the most screwed up thing was that he said he "forgot" to mention that we have to cross the finish line as a whole group! i was like omG! he made us run again! sob.. anyways that was the second day lo, i guess the rest of the day was packed with loads of "FUN and EXCITING" stuff for the all of us! =D


But that was all HISTORY! Now the super kwel things that are happening in my life:
1) kinda finished with "most" of my assignments
2) henry made me cwarl under ALL the tables in DSA
3) nothing....
4) have 1 mummy in college, 2 aunties, 3 babis, one grandmother and father, and im considered as a mummy, daddy, and best of all, BABY! haha
5) nothing again...
6) nothing again...
7) man my life is BORING!


nothing special has happened to me recently lah! so thats my lame update for now! haha enjoy life peoples! KALAKONG! (mummy knows what this means)