Thoughts of the week...

For the past week i have been feeling loads of mixed emotions, have been thinking about my love life (kind stupid thing th think about) and feeling loads of different feelings. I myself am not sure if these feelings are telling me something... was looking forward for my holidays and now that they are here i feel that i miss someone... but im not sure who that is... and btw its a she... do i have feelings for her? cause i have been going out alot here and there watching movies, clubbing, parties and many more. and every time i come home, i feel empty on the inside, that something or someone is missing... is it love? hate? sadness? WHAT IS IT??? think i like someone but am not sure if i should go ahead and start to do my thing to get her. i kinda have experienced my fair share of bad relationships and im not sure if i should get in to another one so anytime soon... for some reason, i have not really learnt my lesson from my mistakes in the past. my mistake is that i move in too fast in relationships and thats why it keeps breaking up... i mean, what is the point getting in to a relationship now? there is a big chance that things might not work out, plus im only 18 and i have many more years ahead of me and things can change in the years to come. another thing is that im kinda scared that i might be PLAYED again... haiz... when i get played, others will think that its my fault that the relationship went bad and they would start calling me player, change heart, flirt... yea i know i flirt ALOT but i know my limit. do i wanna get in to another relationship? have a feeling that someone kinda has a crush on me( i could always be wrong) and im wondering if i should take advantage of that. its not everyday that you find someone who actually likes you for who you are and now just your looks.... but im not sure about it... i know im not the coolest guy or the best looking guy, or funniest guy or whatever, there are so many other guys who are alot better than me in everything and why would she wanna stick with me? In the past, some of my relationships broke up because she was interested in some other guy and the reason they told me when they dumped me was that they were not happy or things were not working out or not sure about their feelings... i dont blame them for telling me LAME reasons like this... but it just kinda sucks to be me when that happens lo... thinking about the past can really piss me off! but thank God that im really forgiving and i seriously let things go.. .although it might take a while... I have been in 4 relationships and after these 4 relationships broke, i think i have kinda lost 3 not girlfriends but 3 good friends. we dont talk even if we see each other every now and then... breaking up does not only affect peoples feelings but also friendships. during the break up, everyone one of them told me "I hope that we can still be friends." <<< SEE! i hate this sentence! because its a big fat LIE! they dont mean it! well.. not everyone but many... you say you still wanna be friends so lets BE friends. dont avoid me everytime you see me or something. if you dont wanna be friends anymore then just say so.... After all these, im not sure if i can feel again like how i felt in the past.. but who knows right? to go after this girl whom i THINK likes me or to just wait... i have been told that its only safe to get in to a relationship when i start working so that i can spend her with m own money and not with my parents money.... cause if i use my parents money its like they are buying it for them and its very different if you buy things with YOUR OWN money... have been thinking alot about my love life and i think it kinda sucks real bad...and because of this, i emo so much... what should be done i have to figure out myself and hope that i can pull myself back together...


enjoy life peoples...