Don’t you just hate it when you try to prove something and you fail? Even when everyone you know keeps telling you that you’re wrong? We think that most of the time we know exactly what we’re up against, and that we’ll be able to take care of it. What’s worse is when you KNOW that things are not going to end up the way you want it to be, but you still preserver towards it. Sometimes you want it so badly that you’ll even kill for it. Well, shit happens… I know, I’ve tried...
All my close friends told me to give up. Telling me that it’s not going to work out and that she’ll patch things up again. They all saw it and kept warning me bout what kind of dead end lies at the end of this road. I told them that they were ALL WRONG! Honestly don’t know if my actions are considered good or just plain stupid.
There have been people I know that waited for that special someone for years. Not 1 or 2 years, but several years! And when they manage to get together whether its getting together or getting married, it just makes the wait more worth wild, know what I mean…?
Im not angry or mad with the people who warned me bout the kinda pain im going to end up with. Its nobody’s fault but mine. If I had just kept my face out of the photo from the very beginning, none of this would happened. You all say it with good intentions, and I respect and thank you for your concerns. But I just cant help myself. And congrats to all those who told me that its not going to work out! Cause you people got what you asked for. You guys finally proved me wrong
This year, I have learnt a very valuable lesson, what love really feels like. Not trying to sound gay or like a fag, but love cant be taught, it cant be read up in a book, not even the internet can tell you what love really is. To every individual, love is a complete different feeling. I know that im in love for sure. None of that puppy love bullshit.
It’s a feeling like no other, and this is my explanation of it. Take all the feelings you’ve had in your previous relationship, put it all together. The total feelings are not even close to a fraction of what I feel now for this girl. For those who have never been in a relationship, take the one thing you treasure the most, times that with infinity and it still not close to anything to what I feel. For anyone to know what love really is, they’d just have to find that special someone.
What can I say bout my current situation. She has no idea how I feel. And I cant bear to tell her how much I love her and how much pain it causes me knowing that the end has come. It’ll cause her so much sadness… Have thought of so many things to do with her, and now it looks like I wont be able to do most of them with her.
When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you.
When I met you, I was afraid to be close with you.
When I was close with you, I was afraid to tell you I love you.
Now that I’ve told you I love you, I’m afraid of losing you…
It’s crazy how we got close together. Its something that you’d NEVER see in the movies, Something that not many people experience, its just something so special what we had. I think so and she thinks so too. One minute we’d be arguing bout some really emo problems, and the next minute we’d be able to chat and laugh without feeling any awkwardness, and patch things up and continue chatting and laughing away. Its just so special. Its like lying down with the person you love so much with all your heart under a cloudless sky filled with stars, and just enjoying that beautiful moment. Its just breathless….
I don’t think I can ever stop loving her. The world wants me to stop; even she wants me to stop, all with good intentions. But how can I love another? There is never going to be another girl just like her. Yea there’d be better looking ones out there, smarter ones, but its not her. There is only one of her and I don’t want to stop loving her! Most of you by now might be thinking that im just being silly or just F**cking stupid for thinking like that.
But how can I expect anyone to truly understand how I feel when they dont know how much i really love her...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Life's a climb, but the view is great...
Been watching all sorts of movies lately and i hate most of them! The guys in the movies just have it so easy! Why cant life be anything like that? The way these movie present themselves is crazy! The guy ALWAYS get the girl! If he fails to impress her, the girl will do the impressing to the guy and they end up together... Damn i wish i were in a movie now...
Recently i just watched Hannah Monatana. I know its lame, but just watched for fun. Turned out to be a pretty good movie. Well towards the end. There was a part in the movie where the guy said, "Life's a climb, but the view's great!". I guess that this is saying is that, life is a long road. And at the end of the road is what you desire. Its a long road and along the road, there are all sorts of things in the way, bumps, pot holes, mountains in the way...
Yes it may be though to cross the problems, it may hurt, it may be sad, But when you reach the end of the road, you just know that its ganna be worth 10 times more of all the trouble you went through before reaching the end. I know that in my situation is so worth everything that i've gone through and have yet to go through.
Im not ganna give up on this. Many have told me to give up and move on, i listen to them, but i choose not to follow them. People do stupid things when their in love. And im confident to say that im in love with this chick. I dont care what the world throws in front of me, all i know is that im not ganna let it block my way. One way or another, im ganna reach the end of my road.
Even if the end of the road turns out to have nothing there, im not ganna be angry or anything. Even after going through all the though times to reach there, its ganna be ok. Cause i'll just have to go all the way back and another road that leads to the SAME goal. Like i said, im not giving up on her.
Been a while since i've heard those words now... Miss hearing em i guess.. But you cant force these kinda things right? Wish i could hear em more...
Just being emo again...
Recently i just watched Hannah Monatana. I know its lame, but just watched for fun. Turned out to be a pretty good movie. Well towards the end. There was a part in the movie where the guy said, "Life's a climb, but the view's great!". I guess that this is saying is that, life is a long road. And at the end of the road is what you desire. Its a long road and along the road, there are all sorts of things in the way, bumps, pot holes, mountains in the way...
Yes it may be though to cross the problems, it may hurt, it may be sad, But when you reach the end of the road, you just know that its ganna be worth 10 times more of all the trouble you went through before reaching the end. I know that in my situation is so worth everything that i've gone through and have yet to go through.
Im not ganna give up on this. Many have told me to give up and move on, i listen to them, but i choose not to follow them. People do stupid things when their in love. And im confident to say that im in love with this chick. I dont care what the world throws in front of me, all i know is that im not ganna let it block my way. One way or another, im ganna reach the end of my road.
Even if the end of the road turns out to have nothing there, im not ganna be angry or anything. Even after going through all the though times to reach there, its ganna be ok. Cause i'll just have to go all the way back and another road that leads to the SAME goal. Like i said, im not giving up on her.
Been a while since i've heard those words now... Miss hearing em i guess.. But you cant force these kinda things right? Wish i could hear em more...
Just being emo again...
Monday, August 24, 2009
FML...
FML man. Life here is so full of disappointments. I dont know bout you, but i find it though to get what you want. Im fortunate enough to be born in a family that cares and nurture me. I guess you could say im well groomed and pretty well off. I appreciate all the things that i have right now and im thankful for them.
I get everything i need. Im not complaining bout that. Its what i WANT that's the problem. There are a whole load of things that i want but cant really get. I know people say that if you work for it, you'll get it. I have been trying my best with this, but things dont always turn out the way you plan for it. Its a lot easier said than done.
Right now, if i could start my life all over again, like in the movie 17 Again, i would choose to go back to form 1, age 13. If only i could re-do the last 7 years of my life, i would!! Sad to say, there's no such thing. Well i guess that just sucks for everyone who wants to start over.
But i have an alternative plan. I plan to go to Aus next year to continue my studies. I'll be finishing up my course of 2 more years there. Its ganna be an awesome experience, ganna learn new things, meet new people and stuff. Of all the things that i'll go through there, what im most happy bout is that i can start over.
Once there, i can be whoever i want, whatever i wanna be and no one can judge me. Here people know me, they know what im like, they know my character. I dont know... I just think that with a new life there in Aus, life would be a lot easier. I can adapt to life there.
Hate myself here. Hate what im like, hate the problems i've gone through. All the sad memories and just basically everything thats unhappy here. Once there, i dont have to worry bout anything that i've gone through in the past. I'll be able to create a whole new me.
I've told myself now, that if things dont work out the way i want it to by the end of this year, Im most likely not ganna get another chance, which is true. But im not giving up. PERSEVERE!! Thats what im ganna do! Like i said, i want to be a different guy when im there. Not only in terms of my social life, but in every part of my life.
Not sure what im really talking bout here either... Things right now just suck for me. There are some good times i get to enjoy if im lucky, but there are more bad times than good unfortunately. So im just looking forward to begin a whole new life and hope for the best in the years to come...
You should never, i repeat, NEVER, give up on your dreams. No matter how ridiculous they may seem, dont give up. This is a message to all those who read this.
Never back down...
I get everything i need. Im not complaining bout that. Its what i WANT that's the problem. There are a whole load of things that i want but cant really get. I know people say that if you work for it, you'll get it. I have been trying my best with this, but things dont always turn out the way you plan for it. Its a lot easier said than done.
Right now, if i could start my life all over again, like in the movie 17 Again, i would choose to go back to form 1, age 13. If only i could re-do the last 7 years of my life, i would!! Sad to say, there's no such thing. Well i guess that just sucks for everyone who wants to start over.
But i have an alternative plan. I plan to go to Aus next year to continue my studies. I'll be finishing up my course of 2 more years there. Its ganna be an awesome experience, ganna learn new things, meet new people and stuff. Of all the things that i'll go through there, what im most happy bout is that i can start over.
Once there, i can be whoever i want, whatever i wanna be and no one can judge me. Here people know me, they know what im like, they know my character. I dont know... I just think that with a new life there in Aus, life would be a lot easier. I can adapt to life there.
Hate myself here. Hate what im like, hate the problems i've gone through. All the sad memories and just basically everything thats unhappy here. Once there, i dont have to worry bout anything that i've gone through in the past. I'll be able to create a whole new me.
I've told myself now, that if things dont work out the way i want it to by the end of this year, Im most likely not ganna get another chance, which is true. But im not giving up. PERSEVERE!! Thats what im ganna do! Like i said, i want to be a different guy when im there. Not only in terms of my social life, but in every part of my life.
Not sure what im really talking bout here either... Things right now just suck for me. There are some good times i get to enjoy if im lucky, but there are more bad times than good unfortunately. So im just looking forward to begin a whole new life and hope for the best in the years to come...
You should never, i repeat, NEVER, give up on your dreams. No matter how ridiculous they may seem, dont give up. This is a message to all those who read this.
Never back down...
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Still that asshole i guess...
Have said it before many times in the past and in some of my last few post, I dont wanna be that asshole who screws up an already perfect relationship for my benefit. Kept telling myself to stay out of dangerous waters, dont go getting myself into trouble, dont try the impossible. Have told myself all these things, and yet i still get myself into it. How can i explain my actions, when you feel it, you just feel it you know? There are no words to explain how i feel now.
Have told myself whats ganna happen within the next few months already and have been reminding myself several times a day. When that time comes, just let it come and be normal. But it kinda came a little early than expected and it feels like a bitch.
I've never tried so hard for anyone before. Some friends of mine know my situation and when i asked them if they do what i do, they'd all say HELL NO! If i dont get her within a week or two im out of the game. Well i've been in this game for a few months now. And there have been both ups and downs. When the times are up, its really up. But when its down, it can hurt so badly.
A really close friend of mine told me from the beginning that i should just quit, its not worth the pain if things go bad. But i refused to listen to him! What he explained to me was not wrong and made a load of sense, and i still refused to listen.
Its it just a crush? Is it puppy love? Can i say im in love?
I got told off once by her, bout loving her. She told me that i did not know the meaning of love. She said the Bible explains what love is and what i feel may not be love and im saying it without knowing what it means. So i checked up on it on the internet. (dont have a bible)
1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
What you see in the paragraph above is what the Bible says about love. After reading this i started to think if what i really felt for was really love. To me this verse bout love is like a guide line. So i checked myself if i was anything close to following these guide lines.
I feel that i've been patient with her, i've been kinda. I dont envy her, nor do i boast bout her, and i do not show her off. I dont think i;v;e been rude, and probably not self-seaking. Im not easily angered even thought some of the things she does can really piss a guy off, and i keep no record of wrongs. Whatever she has done in the past i choose to leave it in the past and focus on her and the future. And im very sure i do NOT delight in evil and im happy knowing the truth. I do protect her, i do trust her and im still hoping with everything i've got.
The last part of this verse is "Love always perseveres." From my understanding, persevere means to keep going for it and never giving up. This is the last guide line that i cant tick yet. Am i persevering? I know im trying my heart out with this. Prob is that only time will tell if im persevering or not.
To many, what i feel for her may not be love. But i know that i really have strong feelings for her. Its nothing like i've ever felt before. You can take all my last relationships and put all the feelings in those relationship together and it might be only a fraction of what im feeling for her now.
I know i love her with all my heart. For her, i will really go to the ends of the world. I've never done anything for her because i had too. When help was needed, i did not help out cause i needed to. I help out because i wanted too. And i did it all with a smile. There have been times when she would say things to me that were sharp enough to slice through the toughest material, and most people would just quit, but i did not. I kept going. I kept trying.
Everyone who knows my situation have told me to quit, move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find someone better. I dont believe these things. I mean why should i? I love her and thats all that matters. I love with with every beat of my heart. She does not have to love me back if she does not want too. But whatever the case is, i know that i'll never find anyone like her for the rest of my life. This is the one thing bout my future that i know.
How often does a guy get to find a girl, no, not just a girl, but THE girl of their dreams huh? How often do the heavens drop down an angel into your life? How FUCKING often do you meet the perfect person in your eyes only? HOW OFTEN??? Things like these do NOT happen everyday, and no guy, no matter how good you are with the ladies can choose when this girl would come up in your life. I dont care who you are, dont come and fucking tell me that, " Oh, dont worry, you'll find someone else whos better."
I know that there are loads of fish in the sea and i know that there are other ladies out there who are better than her in every way. Thing is i dont want another girl who's like her, i dont want someone else even if their better than her. I want her. I fell in love with not only with all the good things bout her, but even the bad things. I dont want anyone else no matter how much better they are.
If only she knew what and how i feel bout her. If only she could see my feelings. I dont know how much this guy loves her, but i know that i love her more and i'll always love her.
Like 1 Corinthians 13 says, Love perseveres. And the only way for me to check that, is with time. So far i think i've been doing a good job with it, just dont think its anywhere close to enough yet.
What to do... Guess im still that dumb ass who is in love with the impossible and doesn't what to give up...
Have told myself whats ganna happen within the next few months already and have been reminding myself several times a day. When that time comes, just let it come and be normal. But it kinda came a little early than expected and it feels like a bitch.
I've never tried so hard for anyone before. Some friends of mine know my situation and when i asked them if they do what i do, they'd all say HELL NO! If i dont get her within a week or two im out of the game. Well i've been in this game for a few months now. And there have been both ups and downs. When the times are up, its really up. But when its down, it can hurt so badly.
A really close friend of mine told me from the beginning that i should just quit, its not worth the pain if things go bad. But i refused to listen to him! What he explained to me was not wrong and made a load of sense, and i still refused to listen.
Its it just a crush? Is it puppy love? Can i say im in love?
I got told off once by her, bout loving her. She told me that i did not know the meaning of love. She said the Bible explains what love is and what i feel may not be love and im saying it without knowing what it means. So i checked up on it on the internet. (dont have a bible)
1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
What you see in the paragraph above is what the Bible says about love. After reading this i started to think if what i really felt for was really love. To me this verse bout love is like a guide line. So i checked myself if i was anything close to following these guide lines.
I feel that i've been patient with her, i've been kinda. I dont envy her, nor do i boast bout her, and i do not show her off. I dont think i;v;e been rude, and probably not self-seaking. Im not easily angered even thought some of the things she does can really piss a guy off, and i keep no record of wrongs. Whatever she has done in the past i choose to leave it in the past and focus on her and the future. And im very sure i do NOT delight in evil and im happy knowing the truth. I do protect her, i do trust her and im still hoping with everything i've got.
The last part of this verse is "Love always perseveres." From my understanding, persevere means to keep going for it and never giving up. This is the last guide line that i cant tick yet. Am i persevering? I know im trying my heart out with this. Prob is that only time will tell if im persevering or not.
To many, what i feel for her may not be love. But i know that i really have strong feelings for her. Its nothing like i've ever felt before. You can take all my last relationships and put all the feelings in those relationship together and it might be only a fraction of what im feeling for her now.
I know i love her with all my heart. For her, i will really go to the ends of the world. I've never done anything for her because i had too. When help was needed, i did not help out cause i needed to. I help out because i wanted too. And i did it all with a smile. There have been times when she would say things to me that were sharp enough to slice through the toughest material, and most people would just quit, but i did not. I kept going. I kept trying.
Everyone who knows my situation have told me to quit, move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea, you'll find someone better. I dont believe these things. I mean why should i? I love her and thats all that matters. I love with with every beat of my heart. She does not have to love me back if she does not want too. But whatever the case is, i know that i'll never find anyone like her for the rest of my life. This is the one thing bout my future that i know.
How often does a guy get to find a girl, no, not just a girl, but THE girl of their dreams huh? How often do the heavens drop down an angel into your life? How FUCKING often do you meet the perfect person in your eyes only? HOW OFTEN??? Things like these do NOT happen everyday, and no guy, no matter how good you are with the ladies can choose when this girl would come up in your life. I dont care who you are, dont come and fucking tell me that, " Oh, dont worry, you'll find someone else whos better."
I know that there are loads of fish in the sea and i know that there are other ladies out there who are better than her in every way. Thing is i dont want another girl who's like her, i dont want someone else even if their better than her. I want her. I fell in love with not only with all the good things bout her, but even the bad things. I dont want anyone else no matter how much better they are.
If only she knew what and how i feel bout her. If only she could see my feelings. I dont know how much this guy loves her, but i know that i love her more and i'll always love her.
Like 1 Corinthians 13 says, Love perseveres. And the only way for me to check that, is with time. So far i think i've been doing a good job with it, just dont think its anywhere close to enough yet.
What to do... Guess im still that dumb ass who is in love with the impossible and doesn't what to give up...
Sunday, May 10, 2009
8 years...
Damn! Its been 8 long years since i have really talked with this girl! How time flies with a snap of a finger. I still remember the first time i saw her, its as if it was only yesterday. Was only 12 back then when i had my first crush. Cute huh, haha! Anyways its been 8 years since the last time i had any activities with her, and screw you its nothing naughty!
First time i saw her was during my first church camp (ISCA CAMP), and i was like "WOW! Who is that pretty girl over there?" Got a friend to introduce her to me, =D lucky me hee~! Through out the whole 5 days of the camp, i had my eye on her, at the same time paying attention to all the activities and services being held, lol. That was also the first time i play bball. The last night of the camp, i had a chance to play bball with her, well not with her, but against her. I had fun playing bball with her, lol. When we had the ball she would be marking me and when they had the ball, well i need not say more =p. The rule on the last night was that the campers were not allow to sleep!!! We played ball till like 5 in the morning, and by that time all the stores were all closed, and it just so happened that i was feeling hungry. As a 12 year old, or a small kid, i started to make noise bout being hungry and all. She came to me and asked me if i wanted a bite to eat, and i was like YES YES, FEED ME! She laughed and told me to hang on a sec while she went back to her room to grab a chocolate bar, and just so you know, her room was all the way across the court and was on the second floor! Within 5 mins, she came back with the chocolate bar and gave to me. And the way she explained my reaction to me was that it was one of the cutest thing she had ever seen! She told me that i was so happy just to have that little snack! Plus that was first time that someone had ever been so damn freaking nice to me, other than family members. Since that snack time, i already had a huge crush on her.
As the years went by, i continued attending the church services, just to have see her lol. Dont get me wrong, yes at first i went there just to have that 2 hours of admiring her, but the later years i went there to attend the services, back then known as ISCA. At the back of my mind, i had always imagined what it would be like to be her bf. How can i describe this girl...? Hmm... CLOSE TO PERFECT! And i shit you not! She is such a nice young lady not only to me, but to everyone!
Recently she came back to M'sia, to settle some things. And i had not seen her for at least 4/5 years. Got to know she came back and started chattin with her, catching up on life and stuff... Was invited to her place for a function bout a week ago, and even after all these years, she still had that awesome pretty look and still had the perfect personality. Had the chance to go out with her and hang out.
In my last few posts, i mentioned that i wanted to change my personality, becoming a bad ass, not wanting to be who i am, dont wanna to so nice, sweet, caring and etc. But the fact is, you cant really change who you are. You are who you are no matter what. You can try to change, but in the last 3 months, i have failed to do so. Being a nice, sweet, caring guy is who/what i am!
And as some of you know, im kinda known for my sweet talking. Im do not claim it, i was told it! Anyways, being a sweet talker is not all that good. I managed to sorta kinda maybe created some chemistry with this girl. And she already has a bf, they have been together for more than a year now. And i dont wanna be the asshole to screw up their relationship for my benefit. Yes i do have feelings for her, but i have told myself that since im sure that i dont wanna be that asshole, the most i wanna do is at least be one of her good friends, which i hope i have become... A small part of me is still hoping that one day i might get what i want, but if not, i guess im cool with just being her friend.
The past few days hanging out with her had been some of the best days this year. Yes i have been going through some though times this year, but with these few outings, you have really made me feel alot better. I have really enjoyed myself hanging out with her, not because i have feelings for her or anything, but more because she is just a really cool friend! And she told me that i have been one of her close friends since she came back to M'sia. =D
Just today i went over to her place to chill, and it so happens that her mum and her bro were home and wanted to take her out to get some stuff. At first I was kinda like, “Errr….?” Should I follow or should I just leave…? Well in the end I tagged along wit her. This was also a chance for me to hanging out with her and maybe get to know her a little more, however that works… At first I was kinda nervous cause I don’t normally go out with a friends mum when their doing their shopping. She kept asking me if I was ok, maybe cause I was also looking kinda nervous. Honestly, I did not have the heart to tell her no I was not ok, that would only make her feel bad. As the day went by, this were going alright, but towards the end of the outing, I started to feel a negative vibe coming from her mum and bro. Don’t know if its just me or what…. But I decided that after that I would just head home. But I did not regret going tagging along cause I got to kinda “shop” with her, lol.
Im a nice guy, maybe a little too nice, or maybe just plain damn freaking nice… She told me not to be too nice to her all the time cause she was getting a little confused with some of the things I’ve said to her and had done for her. In all honesty, I just wanted to be there for you. She told me that she had started questioning her loyalty. Again I did not want to be that asshole, so I told her, “If you are feeling uncomfortable with me, I will back off from you life so that you wont feel so uncomfortable.” She said she did not want me to do so. I mean I really do like her a lot, but I don’t wanna get in the way of anything.
Right now she is having some conflict with her bf, and im freaking worried now if it was me who caused all this conflict. If its cause of me, im so sorry, just says the word and I’ll back off! Am not sure if its me who caused the problem, but I cant help but feel that way. I don’t want her to have her heart broken cause of me. Asked a close friend for some advise, (screw you, I just wanted to know what was the right thing to do!) he told me that if I really like her, I would not force my way in to anything and if it’s really to be then, just give it time.
Argh! Im not sure what im saying now… All I know is that im not feelin too good bout myself now. I not only really like her, but also really like her as a friend.
!@#$%^&*()
If she happens to come across post, Im sorry if I had done things to confuse your feelings and clouding your thoughts… As I’ve said many times, if you are not comfortable with me, please please tell me so that I can back off.
Am not sure what to do… She is going through a really though time, and me being the one who wants to be there for her, am I making it tougher? Am I causing more problems for you? I don’t wanna be! Back off? Stay? I don’t know! This is really killing me. After getting those negative vibes, im feeling so messed up…
Whatever your decision is, I will respect it. Whether if its you wanting me to back off from your life, or for me to continue to be what I am in your eyes now, or anything. I will respect that.
Sorry for the mixed emotions…
First time i saw her was during my first church camp (ISCA CAMP), and i was like "WOW! Who is that pretty girl over there?" Got a friend to introduce her to me, =D lucky me hee~! Through out the whole 5 days of the camp, i had my eye on her, at the same time paying attention to all the activities and services being held, lol. That was also the first time i play bball. The last night of the camp, i had a chance to play bball with her, well not with her, but against her. I had fun playing bball with her, lol. When we had the ball she would be marking me and when they had the ball, well i need not say more =p. The rule on the last night was that the campers were not allow to sleep!!! We played ball till like 5 in the morning, and by that time all the stores were all closed, and it just so happened that i was feeling hungry. As a 12 year old, or a small kid, i started to make noise bout being hungry and all. She came to me and asked me if i wanted a bite to eat, and i was like YES YES, FEED ME! She laughed and told me to hang on a sec while she went back to her room to grab a chocolate bar, and just so you know, her room was all the way across the court and was on the second floor! Within 5 mins, she came back with the chocolate bar and gave to me. And the way she explained my reaction to me was that it was one of the cutest thing she had ever seen! She told me that i was so happy just to have that little snack! Plus that was first time that someone had ever been so damn freaking nice to me, other than family members. Since that snack time, i already had a huge crush on her.
As the years went by, i continued attending the church services, just to have see her lol. Dont get me wrong, yes at first i went there just to have that 2 hours of admiring her, but the later years i went there to attend the services, back then known as ISCA. At the back of my mind, i had always imagined what it would be like to be her bf. How can i describe this girl...? Hmm... CLOSE TO PERFECT! And i shit you not! She is such a nice young lady not only to me, but to everyone!
Recently she came back to M'sia, to settle some things. And i had not seen her for at least 4/5 years. Got to know she came back and started chattin with her, catching up on life and stuff... Was invited to her place for a function bout a week ago, and even after all these years, she still had that awesome pretty look and still had the perfect personality. Had the chance to go out with her and hang out.
In my last few posts, i mentioned that i wanted to change my personality, becoming a bad ass, not wanting to be who i am, dont wanna to so nice, sweet, caring and etc. But the fact is, you cant really change who you are. You are who you are no matter what. You can try to change, but in the last 3 months, i have failed to do so. Being a nice, sweet, caring guy is who/what i am!
And as some of you know, im kinda known for my sweet talking. Im do not claim it, i was told it! Anyways, being a sweet talker is not all that good. I managed to sorta kinda maybe created some chemistry with this girl. And she already has a bf, they have been together for more than a year now. And i dont wanna be the asshole to screw up their relationship for my benefit. Yes i do have feelings for her, but i have told myself that since im sure that i dont wanna be that asshole, the most i wanna do is at least be one of her good friends, which i hope i have become... A small part of me is still hoping that one day i might get what i want, but if not, i guess im cool with just being her friend.
The past few days hanging out with her had been some of the best days this year. Yes i have been going through some though times this year, but with these few outings, you have really made me feel alot better. I have really enjoyed myself hanging out with her, not because i have feelings for her or anything, but more because she is just a really cool friend! And she told me that i have been one of her close friends since she came back to M'sia. =D
Just today i went over to her place to chill, and it so happens that her mum and her bro were home and wanted to take her out to get some stuff. At first I was kinda like, “Errr….?” Should I follow or should I just leave…? Well in the end I tagged along wit her. This was also a chance for me to hanging out with her and maybe get to know her a little more, however that works… At first I was kinda nervous cause I don’t normally go out with a friends mum when their doing their shopping. She kept asking me if I was ok, maybe cause I was also looking kinda nervous. Honestly, I did not have the heart to tell her no I was not ok, that would only make her feel bad. As the day went by, this were going alright, but towards the end of the outing, I started to feel a negative vibe coming from her mum and bro. Don’t know if its just me or what…. But I decided that after that I would just head home. But I did not regret going tagging along cause I got to kinda “shop” with her, lol.
Im a nice guy, maybe a little too nice, or maybe just plain damn freaking nice… She told me not to be too nice to her all the time cause she was getting a little confused with some of the things I’ve said to her and had done for her. In all honesty, I just wanted to be there for you. She told me that she had started questioning her loyalty. Again I did not want to be that asshole, so I told her, “If you are feeling uncomfortable with me, I will back off from you life so that you wont feel so uncomfortable.” She said she did not want me to do so. I mean I really do like her a lot, but I don’t wanna get in the way of anything.
Right now she is having some conflict with her bf, and im freaking worried now if it was me who caused all this conflict. If its cause of me, im so sorry, just says the word and I’ll back off! Am not sure if its me who caused the problem, but I cant help but feel that way. I don’t want her to have her heart broken cause of me. Asked a close friend for some advise, (screw you, I just wanted to know what was the right thing to do!) he told me that if I really like her, I would not force my way in to anything and if it’s really to be then, just give it time.
Argh! Im not sure what im saying now… All I know is that im not feelin too good bout myself now. I not only really like her, but also really like her as a friend.
!@#$%^&*()
If she happens to come across post, Im sorry if I had done things to confuse your feelings and clouding your thoughts… As I’ve said many times, if you are not comfortable with me, please please tell me so that I can back off.
Am not sure what to do… She is going through a really though time, and me being the one who wants to be there for her, am I making it tougher? Am I causing more problems for you? I don’t wanna be! Back off? Stay? I don’t know! This is really killing me. After getting those negative vibes, im feeling so messed up…
Whatever your decision is, I will respect it. Whether if its you wanting me to back off from your life, or for me to continue to be what I am in your eyes now, or anything. I will respect that.
Sorry for the mixed emotions…
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friendship & Trust...
Something I don’t understand about people, including myself. Why tell people something personal, and then tell them not to tell anybody bout it? I just don’t get it. I mean we live in a world where the people in it just can’t be trusted, well at least most of them can’t be trusted. Just does not make any sense. Plus if you think about it, its just stupid right... 1st person will tell 2nd person something and tell them not to tell anyone, 2nd person will then tell 3rd person the story and tell them not to tell anyone, then 3rd person tells 4th person the story and tells them not to tell anyone and it goes on and on. The fucked up part bout these chain stories is that somewhere along the chain the story will be changed or something new will be added in it or the something will be left out. By the time it reaches the 6th person, the story will be something so different from what the first person told the second person. I fucking hate shit like this!
Not to say that i have not done so myself, but when someone tells me to really promise not to tell a soul bout this cause it can ruin a friendship or create a problem, I will really keep it to myself as promised. I admit to those reading this that i have exposed some things that i should have kept to myself. But the things i have told, i made sure that i had a good reason to do so. If I feel that a friend of mine should know about it, then i will tell them. And once i have don’t so, I am prepared to fucking accept consequences when it comes. If the friend comes after me for exposing the secret, i will not fight back with him/her but explain to them why i did it, and hope that they understand.
I have been in situations, yes there is a fucking "S" there, where i told things to people and made them promise not to tell anyone and yet they still tell. Is it karma? Well if it is then it just fucks to be me. But when i confront them bout breaking that promise i had with them, they have the fucking guts to scold me and tell me off saying that its for my own good. I mean, WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCKED UP MOTHER FUCKING FUCK? Come on man, you fuck me up and you still dare tell me off? Thank God that I'm a forgiving guy, which I fucking am for those who don’t believe.
But back then i would always forgive and the next day i will be talking and chatting with them like nothing happened. Well, like i said it was back then. Since the last 2/3 months, for those who have been with me, they know that i have had a change in me. I'm no longer the same happy go lucky that i have been in the past. This change did not really come all by itself, its more like I decided to have a change in me. Would like to kick off that too happy guy and bring out my darker side. Sounds stupid, I know…I feel that people tend to take me for granted due to my “anything or whatever” attitude. But no more shall you people have the benefit of having that guy around anymore. Now its very simple with me, you do something I don’t like, I’ll tell it to you in your face. You piss me off, I’ll tell you off. If you FUCKING piss me off, I’ll fuck you up. Am no longer the forgiving guy I used to be. Unless there is a proper/valid reason for me to forgive you, then I might just think about it. People who think they are better than me? Well, good for you and fuck you.
I feel as if I am able to relate to this picture, its time for the darker side of me to rise…
Now I'm a single guy who probably have no intentions of getting into any relationship anytime soon, and I’m very certain of myself that I would never go for another guys girl. Yes, this paragraph is for you, you fucking shit. I really don’t care about what whoever thinks about this. Dude if I wanted to take your girl from you, I would have fucking done it a long time ago you shit. And honestly, you do not intimidate me. You think with your small stunt you surprise me? Pathetic! You don’t even have the balls to tell me your reason. You practically fucked me up at a fucked up timing.
I feel that I should keep my distance from you for all the reasons you already know. Sorry if I have been a problem to you and your bf, but I feel that its time to choose a side or a party to be in. And I think I already know the answer. So from now, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be so close anymore. Its not because I'm afraid of anything, but its just that I'm not bothered to play this little game of who has the bigger balls and what not.
And what about the secrets? Well, I guess its time to look for the people I can REALLY trust. I already know a few and those few whom have kept my stories to themselves, well, a very big thank you and I hope that our friendship will continue to grow as time goes.
Word of advice before sharing a secret,
1. Choose your friend carefully
2. Study the person if he/she can be trusted
3. Make sure that whatever the secret is, you have a plan B in case it comes out
4. Tell your story clearly (If not it might be changed if its told to the next party.)
And with that I have concluded what I have learnt about FRIENDSHIP AND TRUST....
Not to say that i have not done so myself, but when someone tells me to really promise not to tell a soul bout this cause it can ruin a friendship or create a problem, I will really keep it to myself as promised. I admit to those reading this that i have exposed some things that i should have kept to myself. But the things i have told, i made sure that i had a good reason to do so. If I feel that a friend of mine should know about it, then i will tell them. And once i have don’t so, I am prepared to fucking accept consequences when it comes. If the friend comes after me for exposing the secret, i will not fight back with him/her but explain to them why i did it, and hope that they understand.
I have been in situations, yes there is a fucking "S" there, where i told things to people and made them promise not to tell anyone and yet they still tell. Is it karma? Well if it is then it just fucks to be me. But when i confront them bout breaking that promise i had with them, they have the fucking guts to scold me and tell me off saying that its for my own good. I mean, WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCKED UP MOTHER FUCKING FUCK? Come on man, you fuck me up and you still dare tell me off? Thank God that I'm a forgiving guy, which I fucking am for those who don’t believe.
But back then i would always forgive and the next day i will be talking and chatting with them like nothing happened. Well, like i said it was back then. Since the last 2/3 months, for those who have been with me, they know that i have had a change in me. I'm no longer the same happy go lucky that i have been in the past. This change did not really come all by itself, its more like I decided to have a change in me. Would like to kick off that too happy guy and bring out my darker side. Sounds stupid, I know…I feel that people tend to take me for granted due to my “anything or whatever” attitude. But no more shall you people have the benefit of having that guy around anymore. Now its very simple with me, you do something I don’t like, I’ll tell it to you in your face. You piss me off, I’ll tell you off. If you FUCKING piss me off, I’ll fuck you up. Am no longer the forgiving guy I used to be. Unless there is a proper/valid reason for me to forgive you, then I might just think about it. People who think they are better than me? Well, good for you and fuck you.
I feel as if I am able to relate to this picture, its time for the darker side of me to rise…
Now I'm a single guy who probably have no intentions of getting into any relationship anytime soon, and I’m very certain of myself that I would never go for another guys girl. Yes, this paragraph is for you, you fucking shit. I really don’t care about what whoever thinks about this. Dude if I wanted to take your girl from you, I would have fucking done it a long time ago you shit. And honestly, you do not intimidate me. You think with your small stunt you surprise me? Pathetic! You don’t even have the balls to tell me your reason. You practically fucked me up at a fucked up timing.
I feel that I should keep my distance from you for all the reasons you already know. Sorry if I have been a problem to you and your bf, but I feel that its time to choose a side or a party to be in. And I think I already know the answer. So from now, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be so close anymore. Its not because I'm afraid of anything, but its just that I'm not bothered to play this little game of who has the bigger balls and what not.
And what about the secrets? Well, I guess its time to look for the people I can REALLY trust. I already know a few and those few whom have kept my stories to themselves, well, a very big thank you and I hope that our friendship will continue to grow as time goes.
Word of advice before sharing a secret,
1. Choose your friend carefully
2. Study the person if he/she can be trusted
3. Make sure that whatever the secret is, you have a plan B in case it comes out
4. Tell your story clearly (If not it might be changed if its told to the next party.)
And with that I have concluded what I have learnt about FRIENDSHIP AND TRUST....
Monday, April 13, 2009
In need of some motivation...
Finals coming in the next 2 weeks and im seriously not prepared... Damnit man i need something to motivate me so that i can get the ball rolling, if not im ganna have to freaking resit for another paper... Been kinda stressed out for the past week due to my studies. Have grounded myself untill the end of finals, with the intention to study, but i always seem to end up doing other things. Too many distractions in life man. Friends, internet, mobilephones, guitar, cards, movies and a shit load of other stuff. Need to get my head in the game!!! Gatta get focused before its too late. I have roughly 2 weeks, 14 days to study 3 subjects. The worst part is that all 3 subjects im taking this sem are reading subjects... Macro, Management and Marketing.
Right now... it really sucks to be me.. =(
Right now... it really sucks to be me.. =(
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Thinkin of the past... time for a change maybe
Like the title says, thinking of the past and a time for a change. I think i would like to change my personality, or at least become a better person. The last time i tried to do that i was given the name Mr. Cool. I guess it was cause i wanted to be the kinda guy with the "cool" attitude. lol Biggest joke of the year! But seriously, i really feel that i have changed a little. The year 2009 has not been a very kind one to me so far, and im kinda expecting it to continue through out the rest of the year... The Benjamin that everyone used to know, im ganna remove parts of him (personality here people!!!) and replace him with something new, different, and maybe cooler. I can say that i used to be a happy-go-lucky kinda guy and always smiling cracking up lame jokes just to try to put a smile of peoples face or do crazy stupid things to create the entertainment, yea i know some friends enjoy it or like the way i was. Although i feel happy making my friends smile and laugh, i did not feel that i was getting much respect from some of these friends of mine. Not to say that i have to be respected, but as in taken advantage kinda feeling. You know sometimes in a group of friends, there is normally one person out of the group that gets picked on the most? Bullied, and other stuff like that? Well.. I felt that i was that "guy". Nobody likes to feel this way, and i HELL dont wanna fucking feel this way anymore. So i have decided that probably a change in my personality or attitude might just do the trick and if i play my cards right,i just might be a stronger guy.
I have been told by many friends that im a player, a flirt, the "ladiesman" and etc. When i used to go to church, i was know as the guy who flirts the most in the church, even the pastor knew about it and everyone and then warns me not to disturb the girls.=.=. Yes i was like wtf... Anyways, for that part of my life i did enjoy the company of the ladies. I did enjoy getting to know the ladies. Most of my friends say every chick i meet i would flirt with them... Well you're not right, nor are you wrong. Sounds stupid, but i have to definitions of the word "flirt". To me, there is a flirt to know the girl, and the flirt to get the girl. Success rate of both types of flirt < 10%. Sometimes when im not with the company of any girls, i would feel kinda sad and would want to look for some chicks to get to know. But lately in the past few months, not every girl are what they seem to tell you bout themselves. People say that a man would do/say anything for/to a lady, that might be true, but i have recently found out that there are a number of girls that are just like guys. They would say anything to get your attention!!!
Just found out that im the type of guy that girls like to get close too just for a little bit of attention. I tell my girl friends that if they every need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen or just someone to talk to, im there for them. But some of these girls take advantage of me! They would share their problems with me ( no biggie) then get really really close with me, some of them showing signs, then just FUCK me up! I mean im a guy ok. A girl showing me attention, getting close with me, giving me signs is something big for a guy, well most guys. After that, when they are back to their normalselves they just screw you over. I dont feel appriciated by most of these people. Women, cant live with them, cant live without them.
I dont want to a ladies man anymore, or at least for now, i dont want to be a flirt, i dont want to be a player. I mean think about it guys, life is not all about chicks. I have decide to try to keep my mind on 2 things. First would be my studies and second would be to get a good body =P Then maybe one day later in the future i would start all this bullshit bout flirting again haha. The body then would be a big help =D
Am not pissed with the girls that fucked me over. Though one or two of those situations nearly got me in to shit. But its ok, im cool with it. Like most of you know, im a forgiving guy =) Just a simply word would do the magic!!
We'll see how well this transformation of mine be... Hopefully i become a better person, maybe even a better friend.
just wanting to be a cooler guy....
I have been told by many friends that im a player, a flirt, the "ladiesman" and etc. When i used to go to church, i was know as the guy who flirts the most in the church, even the pastor knew about it and everyone and then warns me not to disturb the girls.=.=. Yes i was like wtf... Anyways, for that part of my life i did enjoy the company of the ladies. I did enjoy getting to know the ladies. Most of my friends say every chick i meet i would flirt with them... Well you're not right, nor are you wrong. Sounds stupid, but i have to definitions of the word "flirt". To me, there is a flirt to know the girl, and the flirt to get the girl. Success rate of both types of flirt < 10%. Sometimes when im not with the company of any girls, i would feel kinda sad and would want to look for some chicks to get to know. But lately in the past few months, not every girl are what they seem to tell you bout themselves. People say that a man would do/say anything for/to a lady, that might be true, but i have recently found out that there are a number of girls that are just like guys. They would say anything to get your attention!!!
Just found out that im the type of guy that girls like to get close too just for a little bit of attention. I tell my girl friends that if they every need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen or just someone to talk to, im there for them. But some of these girls take advantage of me! They would share their problems with me ( no biggie) then get really really close with me, some of them showing signs, then just FUCK me up! I mean im a guy ok. A girl showing me attention, getting close with me, giving me signs is something big for a guy, well most guys. After that, when they are back to their normalselves they just screw you over. I dont feel appriciated by most of these people. Women, cant live with them, cant live without them.
I dont want to a ladies man anymore, or at least for now, i dont want to be a flirt, i dont want to be a player. I mean think about it guys, life is not all about chicks. I have decide to try to keep my mind on 2 things. First would be my studies and second would be to get a good body =P Then maybe one day later in the future i would start all this bullshit bout flirting again haha. The body then would be a big help =D
Am not pissed with the girls that fucked me over. Though one or two of those situations nearly got me in to shit. But its ok, im cool with it. Like most of you know, im a forgiving guy =) Just a simply word would do the magic!!
We'll see how well this transformation of mine be... Hopefully i become a better person, maybe even a better friend.
just wanting to be a cooler guy....
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Mother fucking DIUtion center, Raj tuition part 2
Dear reader,
For those who do not know who I am, it is not important. What is important is the content of this document. Read it and understand what this man has been doing to students and the respect he gives to parents who are paying them RM350-RM500 a month for 4/5 subjects.
Before today 2nd son was planning to quit Mr. Raj tuition center for he had difficulties coping with the shit load of work there and just recently had quit. Earlier today Mother and 3rd son together with a friend of his went to Mr. Raj tuition center to show their report card to the teachers. Before Mother could even explain why 2nd son had decided to quit, Mr. Raj told Mother that he had already made a decision. That decision was to sack 3rd son from the tuition center. Just because 2nd son decided that he wanted to quit the tuition center, Mr. Raj took the liberty get rid of the whole family (3rd son) who goes there for tuition. Mother wanted to collect back her deposit of RM350, but was told to leave and come back at 7. I mean, come on man, you just kicked her son out of the tuition center and you can’t even just take your wallet out to return the RM350 deposit? How fucking dumb can you get? Anyways, Mother went home after that without the deposit. When Mother got home, 1st son just came home. Mother told 1st son what had happened earlier before Mother got home. 1st son told Mother to go and collect the deposit on the spot together with 1st son. Reached Mr. Raj tuition center, Mr. Raj was nice enough to come and return the RM350 deposit in person. Mother asked for the deposit balance of 2nd son because he had not attended many classes for this month yet. Mr. Raj said “NO” because he missed today’s class and was considered absence. So to Mother it was fine, not that big of a deal. So Mother told Mr. Raj that it was so unreasonable and unfair for him to sack 3rd bother who has done nothing wrong. Mr. Raj replied that that was the way he wanted to run his tuition center. By kicking out students whose siblings left. Seriously what the fuck is this bullshit act from an 80+ year old man? GROW THE FUCK UP! Instead of giving a reasonable explanation, he started raising his voice at Mother, 1st son told him not to raise his voice, but was told by the old fuck to SHUT UP and wanted to throw a wooden chair at 1st son but stopped by Ms. Brahma (1st son was a student there, 2003). This all took place in the living room where a class of form 2 students were seated, they ALL could hear every word from the “conversation” in the next room. Mother yelling, 1st son yelling, old fuck yelling, finally Mother and 1st son left. Couple hours later, at Raj DIU-TION center, Mr. Raj was teaching a form 4 class where he talked about what happened earlier in the evening. He told the form 4 class that the reason why 2nd son left was not because he was not able to cope (which was the true story), he told them that Mother pulled him out because Mother thinks that Mr. Raj can’t teach ( which is totally not fucking true). Daughter of Mother’s friend told Mother about this. Being rude to a parent is one thing, but to lie to the students? How can you come up with this stupid, dumb, retarded bullshit? Mr. Raj is an 80+ year old man with two daughters, Ms. Dave and Ms. Brahma. Even the daughters can agree with the old man about sacking students for the reason that one of their siblings quit. COME ON! Both daughters are grown women who have brains to think! USE THOSE FUCKING THINGS! Is this really reasonable? Personally I think that the whole family needs some, no, not just some. Even a little bit of common sense would do them wonders in improving their lifestyle, I mean the rest of the world….
-end-
For those who do not know who I am, it is not important. What is important is the content of this document. Read it and understand what this man has been doing to students and the respect he gives to parents who are paying them RM350-RM500 a month for 4/5 subjects.
Before today 2nd son was planning to quit Mr. Raj tuition center for he had difficulties coping with the shit load of work there and just recently had quit. Earlier today Mother and 3rd son together with a friend of his went to Mr. Raj tuition center to show their report card to the teachers. Before Mother could even explain why 2nd son had decided to quit, Mr. Raj told Mother that he had already made a decision. That decision was to sack 3rd son from the tuition center. Just because 2nd son decided that he wanted to quit the tuition center, Mr. Raj took the liberty get rid of the whole family (3rd son) who goes there for tuition. Mother wanted to collect back her deposit of RM350, but was told to leave and come back at 7. I mean, come on man, you just kicked her son out of the tuition center and you can’t even just take your wallet out to return the RM350 deposit? How fucking dumb can you get? Anyways, Mother went home after that without the deposit. When Mother got home, 1st son just came home. Mother told 1st son what had happened earlier before Mother got home. 1st son told Mother to go and collect the deposit on the spot together with 1st son. Reached Mr. Raj tuition center, Mr. Raj was nice enough to come and return the RM350 deposit in person. Mother asked for the deposit balance of 2nd son because he had not attended many classes for this month yet. Mr. Raj said “NO” because he missed today’s class and was considered absence. So to Mother it was fine, not that big of a deal. So Mother told Mr. Raj that it was so unreasonable and unfair for him to sack 3rd bother who has done nothing wrong. Mr. Raj replied that that was the way he wanted to run his tuition center. By kicking out students whose siblings left. Seriously what the fuck is this bullshit act from an 80+ year old man? GROW THE FUCK UP! Instead of giving a reasonable explanation, he started raising his voice at Mother, 1st son told him not to raise his voice, but was told by the old fuck to SHUT UP and wanted to throw a wooden chair at 1st son but stopped by Ms. Brahma (1st son was a student there, 2003). This all took place in the living room where a class of form 2 students were seated, they ALL could hear every word from the “conversation” in the next room. Mother yelling, 1st son yelling, old fuck yelling, finally Mother and 1st son left. Couple hours later, at Raj DIU-TION center, Mr. Raj was teaching a form 4 class where he talked about what happened earlier in the evening. He told the form 4 class that the reason why 2nd son left was not because he was not able to cope (which was the true story), he told them that Mother pulled him out because Mother thinks that Mr. Raj can’t teach ( which is totally not fucking true). Daughter of Mother’s friend told Mother about this. Being rude to a parent is one thing, but to lie to the students? How can you come up with this stupid, dumb, retarded bullshit? Mr. Raj is an 80+ year old man with two daughters, Ms. Dave and Ms. Brahma. Even the daughters can agree with the old man about sacking students for the reason that one of their siblings quit. COME ON! Both daughters are grown women who have brains to think! USE THOSE FUCKING THINGS! Is this really reasonable? Personally I think that the whole family needs some, no, not just some. Even a little bit of common sense would do them wonders in improving their lifestyle, I mean the rest of the world….
-end-
Mother fucking DIUtion center, Raj tuition part 1
Dear reader,
For those who do not know who I am, it is not important. What is important is the content of this document. Read it and understand what this man, a.k.a Mr. Raj, has been doing to students and the respect he gives to parents who are paying them RM350-RM500 a month for 4/5 subjects.
Once a year the students of Mr. Raj tuition center would celebrate Mr. Raj birthday. Students would either buy him a cake, a small present or something. This year (2008), Mr. Raj’s birthday was celebrate at The Royal Lake Club, where current students and ex-students turned up to celebrate the birthday of their tuition teacher. For this birthday party, the students decided to have a small play/performance for the old fuck. Everyone at the party were having a blast and enjoying themselves and were just happy. Until the next class at Mr. Raj DIU-TION center, where Student X was called out to the front of the class for a scolding, IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING CLASS!
The way these teachers punish the students is by making them do corrections of their mistakes normally in tests and quizzes. Students were required to write a certain amount of corrections (re-write all corrections). If a student gets about 90%, he/she would have to do 1x correction, if there student were to get lower than 50%, he/she would have to write about 7/8/9x correction, which if you ask me is kind of a waste of time.
Ms. Dave told Student X that he/she was required to write 5000 words of correction. 5000 fucking words!!! WTMFFFUF?? And it’s not even a test or quiz. Reason was, during the performance that Student X did on Mr. Raj birthday party, Student X had shown his underwear intentionally to everyone. And apparently only Ms. Dave among all who attended the party saw it. To punish a student who unintentionally reviled his underwear without even knowing he/she did until the day Ms. Dave told Student X. Today is the 21st century where if a little skin or “underwear” is shown, no body would bother to even give two fucks about it. But why would Ms. Dave give such a punishment over a small thing like this? Does this mean if anyone on the street shows their tummy they would have to be punished with a 10,000 word correction? When I first heard about this I thought maybe her reason was because she did not want small kids to follow this trend where guys today are wearing their jeans/pants below their waist (she has two young boys of her own). That is what most people would think, and that would be if the really thought about it. But NO!! That was not her reason!
It was more complex than anything anyone can think of. She told Student X that Student X wanted to turn on the girls present at the birthday dinner, make them horny. *take a moment to laugh your ass off* How the fuck can anyone get turned on by a secondary school student’s underwear? Do Hushpuppies turn the ladies on? Student X was trying to do something good for the old fag and this is how is “loving, caring daughter treats students who try to do good things for her FATHER! Maybe it’s a Ms. Dave thing (some stupid thing she’s got there ) Father of Student X went to Mr. Raj DIU-TION center to reason with Ms. Dave to cancel the punishment. Ms. Dave was reluctant to do so, when Mr. Raj joined the conversation between Father and Ms. Dave, he supported Ms. Dave!! Saying that this punishment will teach Student X not to intentionally show off his underwear to people. This is how the “great” Raj DIU-TION everyone talks about treats their students. In the end, Father told Student X NOT to write that stupid 5000 word punishment. Fuckers just want to victimize their students! What a bunch of grown ups….
-end-
For those who do not know who I am, it is not important. What is important is the content of this document. Read it and understand what this man, a.k.a Mr. Raj, has been doing to students and the respect he gives to parents who are paying them RM350-RM500 a month for 4/5 subjects.
Once a year the students of Mr. Raj tuition center would celebrate Mr. Raj birthday. Students would either buy him a cake, a small present or something. This year (2008), Mr. Raj’s birthday was celebrate at The Royal Lake Club, where current students and ex-students turned up to celebrate the birthday of their tuition teacher. For this birthday party, the students decided to have a small play/performance for the old fuck. Everyone at the party were having a blast and enjoying themselves and were just happy. Until the next class at Mr. Raj DIU-TION center, where Student X was called out to the front of the class for a scolding, IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING CLASS!
The way these teachers punish the students is by making them do corrections of their mistakes normally in tests and quizzes. Students were required to write a certain amount of corrections (re-write all corrections). If a student gets about 90%, he/she would have to do 1x correction, if there student were to get lower than 50%, he/she would have to write about 7/8/9x correction, which if you ask me is kind of a waste of time.
Ms. Dave told Student X that he/she was required to write 5000 words of correction. 5000 fucking words!!! WTMFFFUF?? And it’s not even a test or quiz. Reason was, during the performance that Student X did on Mr. Raj birthday party, Student X had shown his underwear intentionally to everyone. And apparently only Ms. Dave among all who attended the party saw it. To punish a student who unintentionally reviled his underwear without even knowing he/she did until the day Ms. Dave told Student X. Today is the 21st century where if a little skin or “underwear” is shown, no body would bother to even give two fucks about it. But why would Ms. Dave give such a punishment over a small thing like this? Does this mean if anyone on the street shows their tummy they would have to be punished with a 10,000 word correction? When I first heard about this I thought maybe her reason was because she did not want small kids to follow this trend where guys today are wearing their jeans/pants below their waist (she has two young boys of her own). That is what most people would think, and that would be if the really thought about it. But NO!! That was not her reason!
It was more complex than anything anyone can think of. She told Student X that Student X wanted to turn on the girls present at the birthday dinner, make them horny. *take a moment to laugh your ass off* How the fuck can anyone get turned on by a secondary school student’s underwear? Do Hushpuppies turn the ladies on? Student X was trying to do something good for the old fag and this is how is “loving, caring daughter treats students who try to do good things for her FATHER! Maybe it’s a Ms. Dave thing (some stupid thing she’s got there ) Father of Student X went to Mr. Raj DIU-TION center to reason with Ms. Dave to cancel the punishment. Ms. Dave was reluctant to do so, when Mr. Raj joined the conversation between Father and Ms. Dave, he supported Ms. Dave!! Saying that this punishment will teach Student X not to intentionally show off his underwear to people. This is how the “great” Raj DIU-TION everyone talks about treats their students. In the end, Father told Student X NOT to write that stupid 5000 word punishment. Fuckers just want to victimize their students! What a bunch of grown ups….
-end-
Happy birthday buddy
To my dear buddy. You have just celebrated your 20th birthday! I really hope that you enjoyed yourself that night, with all the dancing, drinking and drama haha. I really enjoyed myself seeing how happy you were that night, your first clubbing night =) Thanks for all the times you were there for me, both ups and downs. Especially the times when i was down. Thanks to you im feeling alot better now =) At the same time i would just like to say im sorry for all the silly things i have done to you. Right now i dont know the words to use to tell you how thankfull i am. In the past 2 months, i feel that i have gain a really true friend, YOU! Once agian thank you and HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!!!
Enjoy adult hood =)
Enjoy adult hood =)
Monday, March 16, 2009
eyes have been fucking opened...
To all the friends bdays that i have missed out, sorry for not being able to attend, due to personal reasons. Happy birthday/belated and early birthday day to the bdays coming soon.
Recently i managed to hack in to a friends account on facebook and discovered something interesting and at the same time pissing off. There was a message in this account in the inbox where some friends were planning to get a present for a certain someone. Lets call that certain someone QQ. QQ's bday was coming up and these people in the convo on facebook were planning to get QQ a present. THis was organized by some fucking bitch. Will explain what i call that person a fucking bitch. Anyways, the plan was the get everyone in the convo to chip in for a present for QQ, there were at about 12 people in the convo. And it just so happen that at that particular time QQ was in need of some cash for something important. The organizer who “claims” to be QQ’s best friend, did what any best friend would do, which was inform the people in the convo about what QQ needed. To my surprise, most of the people in the convo were really reluctant to give QQ cash, their reason being that QQ might not remember what QQ’s friends got for QQ in ’09. Although QQ needed nothing else, the friends in the convo still wanted to get QQ something that she did not really need. The thing is that I totally understand that its not so nice to be giving any friend cash for their bday, but sometimes if they are in need of the cash, I don’t see whats wrong with helping out a friend. I mention “helping” because that friend needed friends to help. Many were reluctant and some even said let QQ handle QQ’s own problem. I mean like what the mother fucking fucked up fuck? Someone needs help and you want them to handle it on their own? Haiz… There were one or two people who agreed that if QQ needed the money then they should give QQ the money. Not all of them were bad. At the end of the day Im not too sure what the “friends” got for QQ. whatever it is happy early birthday to you QQ!
Speaking of friends, Im a guy who cherishes every friend I have regardless of what the person is like. Every friendship to me, I treat it like gold. To me friendship is the most important thing in the world. PRICLESS! After some snooping around, I found out that just because I ended a relationship with someone, I seem to be the bad guy here. Am I the bad guy? Im not sure about that… To me now I don’t care a fuck what you people think of me, good or bad. All I know is that I did the right thing. So FUCK OFF!! You think just because you choose ignore me means that you’ve done something right? You call yourself a best friend, but you don’t seem to be doing shit! She needs something urgently and all you can do is ask no more than 10 people? Some “best friend” you are…Im sure at least 30 plus people know her and are more than willing to help out. But NOOOOO you wanna do things the easy and take the title of Best Friend. Fuck you bitch. Ooo and btw im the bitch im talking about here, I mention above just now… This is the part I fuck kau her now.
Because I cherish every friendship I have, losing a friendship I don’t take it in a small way. And fuck you if you think im over reacting. You walk pass me as if im a ghost? And I have no fucking clue that you treat me like a ghost? Who do you think you are? In a way im glad that you are treating me like this, cause now I have seen what you really are like. You fucking choose you friends. You don’t truly accept them for who they are, you just put on a fucking mask and fucking pretend to be their friend. I have known you for 2 years and it look like these 2 years of knowing you have all been fucking lies! Im assuming now that the only reason you pretended to be my friend cause of her. If not I think you would not even look at me. You have just created an enemy here. I don’t deserve to have a friend like you, you fucking WHORE! You better not get in my way in any matter now if not… well I don’t think I need to say what might happen. You are a MOTHER FUCKING WHORE, SLUT, BITCH… There are just not enough words to describe you.. AHh another one,. You are a fucking attention seeker! I hope your “friends” see the truth behind that fucking ugly mask you wear on everyday! Hope you get treated like fuck and I just hope for the worse for you! This will be the last I talk about you cause you are so not fucking worth my time… And I hope those who read this, think wisely when talking to this fucking
And im not being racist here, that fucking
Think about it people….
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
So far in 2009...
Have not touched this blog since last year P24. So i think its about time that i kinda added something here. Its been about 13 months since the last post, and a quick update bout my life this year...
So far, the year 2009 has not been the best year. Had been having some problems before Chinese New Year with my relationship, causing me to have to break up. Breaking up is not as easy as it sounds. I mean, not trying to brag or anything, but before this i have been in 4 relationships, and all 4 girls broke up with me. In other words i got dumped pretty bad a few times. Have never thought that i would ever be in that position where i would be the one breaking up with my partner. As i have been dumped 4 times, I think i can say that i really know what it feels like to be heart broken. Now I feel so guilty about the outcome of this break up, and its not doing me any good, nor is it doing her any good. Like they say there is a first time for everything, but i never thought it would be this painful. Even though it was me who asked for the break up, i still feel like shit everytime i think about what i have done to her. Wish i could take back whatever nasty things i have said or done to her in the past. It has been about 2 months since the break up, neither one of has talked to each other since then. I guess its a normal thing after a break up. I was in this relationship for 15 months! The longest relationship that i have ever been in, and breaking up with her was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. Friends say that breaking up with her was the stupidest thing to do, but i had to do what i had to do. I feel it was a wise decision regardless of what people say. Im a person who puts my friends before anything else including myself, friendship to me is the most important thing in life. Now that we dont see or even talk to each other, i feel that this friendship is dying. Yea i know that im the jerk who broke her heart, but if its ever possible, i still wanna be friends. I would give anything for my friendships. This part of my life has not been an easy one. I have been feeling extreamly emotional for the past 2 months, mixed feelings about everything. Whenever i see her in coll, i feel so akward. My mood will just switch just like that! Maybe its normal to be feeling this way, but i feel its screwing up things! I probably just need some time to get over these feelings. Although its all bad and negative things happening now, there has been some good in this situation aswell. Since the break up, i feel that i have changed, not knowing if its for the best or the worse, i feel less childish and more matured. Have learnt to take life more seriously. Not only have i changed, but have found out some new things too. Like having know who my true friends are, not that all my friends are not true to me, but friends who really care and love me for just being myself! My 2 best friends MC and TK for example, through my ups and downs, they have always been there to back me up or pull me up when im down. This year i have made another really close friend whom i will keep close to my heart, Buddy. Buddy is one of the first few to noticed the change in me, when i was feeling emo and all, and was if im not mistaken the first to come up to me asking whats the matter with me. I have also gain an elder sis, Che, who listens to me and just showers her love on me when i need it most. Thanks MC, TK, Buddy and Che...Having said this, I am slowly starting to have my eyes open to the people who really care about me, I will never forget this part of my life.
Yes yes i know, my first post this year and its a silly one... Anyways besides that, life in coll is not as fun as it used to be. The subjects are starting to kill, assignments getting thougher, classes feeling longer and etc. Feel that life is empty. Nothing special, not feeling the WOW in life yet this year. Am hoping that the next few months will change. I hope to get back to my normal self, cheerful and happy go lucky, or something like that...
Oh, forgot to mention, I have noticed another change in myself. Have no clue why, but it seems that im like some super sweet talker. Not bragging bout myself, its what i have been told. Not by one girl, not by two girls, but so far there have been at least 7 girls saying that im such a sweet guy. They tell me that the words i use are so sweet and that it seems that i always put a smile on their faces. And just for the record, I have had NO intention to flirt, or maybe its just what i have become, a Sweet Talker... Dont know if thats a good or bad thing. I just enjoy seeing people smile and laugh. Just watching them smile and laugh gives me that warm feeling inside me, where i have managed to lite up a smile on the persons face whether they are feeling down or feeling "up".
As my conclusion for my first post of year 2009, I would just like to thank all those who have been there for me and showing their concern for me. Sorry if i did not mention you, but i do appriciate your concern and will never forget it. And to that girl, I am truely sorry for breaking your heart. I really hope that our friendship, or whats left of it, can continue. It would be a sad thing for me to loose this friendship of ours.
All the best my friends...
So far, the year 2009 has not been the best year. Had been having some problems before Chinese New Year with my relationship, causing me to have to break up. Breaking up is not as easy as it sounds. I mean, not trying to brag or anything, but before this i have been in 4 relationships, and all 4 girls broke up with me. In other words i got dumped pretty bad a few times. Have never thought that i would ever be in that position where i would be the one breaking up with my partner. As i have been dumped 4 times, I think i can say that i really know what it feels like to be heart broken. Now I feel so guilty about the outcome of this break up, and its not doing me any good, nor is it doing her any good. Like they say there is a first time for everything, but i never thought it would be this painful. Even though it was me who asked for the break up, i still feel like shit everytime i think about what i have done to her. Wish i could take back whatever nasty things i have said or done to her in the past. It has been about 2 months since the break up, neither one of has talked to each other since then. I guess its a normal thing after a break up. I was in this relationship for 15 months! The longest relationship that i have ever been in, and breaking up with her was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. Friends say that breaking up with her was the stupidest thing to do, but i had to do what i had to do. I feel it was a wise decision regardless of what people say. Im a person who puts my friends before anything else including myself, friendship to me is the most important thing in life. Now that we dont see or even talk to each other, i feel that this friendship is dying. Yea i know that im the jerk who broke her heart, but if its ever possible, i still wanna be friends. I would give anything for my friendships. This part of my life has not been an easy one. I have been feeling extreamly emotional for the past 2 months, mixed feelings about everything. Whenever i see her in coll, i feel so akward. My mood will just switch just like that! Maybe its normal to be feeling this way, but i feel its screwing up things! I probably just need some time to get over these feelings. Although its all bad and negative things happening now, there has been some good in this situation aswell. Since the break up, i feel that i have changed, not knowing if its for the best or the worse, i feel less childish and more matured. Have learnt to take life more seriously. Not only have i changed, but have found out some new things too. Like having know who my true friends are, not that all my friends are not true to me, but friends who really care and love me for just being myself! My 2 best friends MC and TK for example, through my ups and downs, they have always been there to back me up or pull me up when im down. This year i have made another really close friend whom i will keep close to my heart, Buddy. Buddy is one of the first few to noticed the change in me, when i was feeling emo and all, and was if im not mistaken the first to come up to me asking whats the matter with me. I have also gain an elder sis, Che, who listens to me and just showers her love on me when i need it most. Thanks MC, TK, Buddy and Che...Having said this, I am slowly starting to have my eyes open to the people who really care about me, I will never forget this part of my life.
Yes yes i know, my first post this year and its a silly one... Anyways besides that, life in coll is not as fun as it used to be. The subjects are starting to kill, assignments getting thougher, classes feeling longer and etc. Feel that life is empty. Nothing special, not feeling the WOW in life yet this year. Am hoping that the next few months will change. I hope to get back to my normal self, cheerful and happy go lucky, or something like that...
Oh, forgot to mention, I have noticed another change in myself. Have no clue why, but it seems that im like some super sweet talker. Not bragging bout myself, its what i have been told. Not by one girl, not by two girls, but so far there have been at least 7 girls saying that im such a sweet guy. They tell me that the words i use are so sweet and that it seems that i always put a smile on their faces. And just for the record, I have had NO intention to flirt, or maybe its just what i have become, a Sweet Talker... Dont know if thats a good or bad thing. I just enjoy seeing people smile and laugh. Just watching them smile and laugh gives me that warm feeling inside me, where i have managed to lite up a smile on the persons face whether they are feeling down or feeling "up".
As my conclusion for my first post of year 2009, I would just like to thank all those who have been there for me and showing their concern for me. Sorry if i did not mention you, but i do appriciate your concern and will never forget it. And to that girl, I am truely sorry for breaking your heart. I really hope that our friendship, or whats left of it, can continue. It would be a sad thing for me to loose this friendship of ours.
All the best my friends...
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