Friendship & Trust...

Something I don’t understand about people, including myself. Why tell people something personal, and then tell them not to tell anybody bout it? I just don’t get it. I mean we live in a world where the people in it just can’t be trusted, well at least most of them can’t be trusted. Just does not make any sense. Plus if you think about it, its just stupid right... 1st person will tell 2nd person something and tell them not to tell anyone, 2nd person will then tell 3rd person the story and tell them not to tell anyone, then 3rd person tells 4th person the story and tells them not to tell anyone and it goes on and on. The fucked up part bout these chain stories is that somewhere along the chain the story will be changed or something new will be added in it or the something will be left out. By the time it reaches the 6th person, the story will be something so different from what the first person told the second person. I fucking hate shit like this!

Not to say that i have not done so myself, but when someone tells me to really promise not to tell a soul bout this cause it can ruin a friendship or create a problem, I will really keep it to myself as promised. I admit to those reading this that i have exposed some things that i should have kept to myself. But the things i have told, i made sure that i had a good reason to do so. If I feel that a friend of mine should know about it, then i will tell them. And once i have don’t so, I am prepared to fucking accept consequences when it comes. If the friend comes after me for exposing the secret, i will not fight back with him/her but explain to them why i did it, and hope that they understand.

I have been in situations, yes there is a fucking "S" there, where i told things to people and made them promise not to tell anyone and yet they still tell. Is it karma? Well if it is then it just fucks to be me. But when i confront them bout breaking that promise i had with them, they have the fucking guts to scold me and tell me off saying that its for my own good. I mean, WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCKED UP MOTHER FUCKING FUCK? Come on man, you fuck me up and you still dare tell me off? Thank God that I'm a forgiving guy, which I fucking am for those who don’t believe.

But back then i would always forgive and the next day i will be talking and chatting with them like nothing happened. Well, like i said it was back then. Since the last 2/3 months, for those who have been with me, they know that i have had a change in me. I'm no longer the same happy go lucky that i have been in the past. This change did not really come all by itself, its more like I decided to have a change in me. Would like to kick off that too happy guy and bring out my darker side. Sounds stupid, I know…I feel that people tend to take me for granted due to my “anything or whatever” attitude. But no more shall you people have the benefit of having that guy around anymore. Now its very simple with me, you do something I don’t like, I’ll tell it to you in your face. You piss me off, I’ll tell you off. If you FUCKING piss me off, I’ll fuck you up. Am no longer the forgiving guy I used to be. Unless there is a proper/valid reason for me to forgive you, then I might just think about it. People who think they are better than me? Well, good for you and fuck you.


I feel as if I am able to relate to this picture, its time for the darker side of me to rise…


Now I'm a single guy who probably have no intentions of getting into any relationship anytime soon, and I’m very certain of myself that I would never go for another guys girl. Yes, this paragraph is for you, you fucking shit. I really don’t care about what whoever thinks about this. Dude if I wanted to take your girl from you, I would have fucking done it a long time ago you shit. And honestly, you do not intimidate me. You think with your small stunt you surprise me? Pathetic! You don’t even have the balls to tell me your reason. You practically fucked me up at a fucked up timing.

I feel that I should keep my distance from you for all the reasons you already know. Sorry if I have been a problem to you and your bf, but I feel that its time to choose a side or a party to be in. And I think I already know the answer. So from now, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be so close anymore. Its not because I'm afraid of anything, but its just that I'm not bothered to play this little game of who has the bigger balls and what not.

And what about the secrets? Well, I guess its time to look for the people I can REALLY trust. I already know a few and those few whom have kept my stories to themselves, well, a very big thank you and I hope that our friendship will continue to grow as time goes.

Word of advice before sharing a secret,
1. Choose your friend carefully
2. Study the person if he/she can be trusted
3. Make sure that whatever the secret is, you have a plan B in case it comes out
4. Tell your story clearly (If not it might be changed if its told to the next party.)




And with that I have concluded what I have learnt about FRIENDSHIP AND TRUST....

In need of some motivation...

Finals coming in the next 2 weeks and im seriously not prepared... Damnit man i need something to motivate me so that i can get the ball rolling, if not im ganna have to freaking resit for another paper... Been kinda stressed out for the past week due to my studies. Have grounded myself untill the end of finals, with the intention to study, but i always seem to end up doing other things. Too many distractions in life man. Friends, internet, mobilephones, guitar, cards, movies and a shit load of other stuff. Need to get my head in the game!!! Gatta get focused before its too late. I have roughly 2 weeks, 14 days to study 3 subjects. The worst part is that all 3 subjects im taking this sem are reading subjects... Macro, Management and Marketing.

Right now... it really sucks to be me.. =(

Thinkin of the past... time for a change maybe

Like the title says, thinking of the past and a time for a change. I think i would like to change my personality, or at least become a better person. The last time i tried to do that i was given the name Mr. Cool. I guess it was cause i wanted to be the kinda guy with the "cool" attitude. lol Biggest joke of the year! But seriously, i really feel that i have changed a little. The year 2009 has not been a very kind one to me so far, and im kinda expecting it to continue through out the rest of the year... The Benjamin that everyone used to know, im ganna remove parts of him (personality here people!!!) and replace him with something new, different, and maybe cooler. I can say that i used to be a happy-go-lucky kinda guy and always smiling cracking up lame jokes just to try to put a smile of peoples face or do crazy stupid things to create the entertainment, yea i know some friends enjoy it or like the way i was. Although i feel happy making my friends smile and laugh, i did not feel that i was getting much respect from some of these friends of mine. Not to say that i have to be respected, but as in taken advantage kinda feeling. You know sometimes in a group of friends, there is normally one person out of the group that gets picked on the most? Bullied, and other stuff like that? Well.. I felt that i was that "guy". Nobody likes to feel this way, and i HELL dont wanna fucking feel this way anymore. So i have decided that probably a change in my personality or attitude might just do the trick and if i play my cards right,i just might be a stronger guy.

I have been told by many friends that im a player, a flirt, the "ladiesman" and etc. When i used to go to church, i was know as the guy who flirts the most in the church, even the pastor knew about it and everyone and then warns me not to disturb the girls.=.=. Yes i was like wtf... Anyways, for that part of my life i did enjoy the company of the ladies. I did enjoy getting to know the ladies. Most of my friends say every chick i meet i would flirt with them... Well you're not right, nor are you wrong. Sounds stupid, but i have to definitions of the word "flirt". To me, there is a flirt to know the girl, and the flirt to get the girl. Success rate of both types of flirt < 10%. Sometimes when im not with the company of any girls, i would feel kinda sad and would want to look for some chicks to get to know. But lately in the past few months, not every girl are what they seem to tell you bout themselves. People say that a man would do/say anything for/to a lady, that might be true, but i have recently found out that there are a number of girls that are just like guys. They would say anything to get your attention!!!

Just found out that im the type of guy that girls like to get close too just for a little bit of attention. I tell my girl friends that if they every need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen or just someone to talk to, im there for them. But some of these girls take advantage of me! They would share their problems with me ( no biggie) then get really really close with me, some of them showing signs, then just FUCK me up! I mean im a guy ok. A girl showing me attention, getting close with me, giving me signs is something big for a guy, well most guys. After that, when they are back to their normalselves they just screw you over. I dont feel appriciated by most of these people. Women, cant live with them, cant live without them.

I dont want to a ladies man anymore, or at least for now, i dont want to be a flirt, i dont want to be a player. I mean think about it guys, life is not all about chicks. I have decide to try to keep my mind on 2 things. First would be my studies and second would be to get a good body =P Then maybe one day later in the future i would start all this bullshit bout flirting again haha. The body then would be a big help =D


Am not pissed with the girls that fucked me over. Though one or two of those situations nearly got me in to shit. But its ok, im cool with it. Like most of you know, im a forgiving guy =) Just a simply word would do the magic!!


We'll see how well this transformation of mine be... Hopefully i become a better person, maybe even a better friend.




just wanting to be a cooler guy....