Like the title says, thinking of the past and a time for a change. I think i would like to change my personality, or at least become a better person. The last time i tried to do that i was given the name Mr. Cool. I guess it was cause i wanted to be the kinda guy with the "cool" attitude. lol Biggest joke of the year! But seriously, i really feel that i have changed a little. The year 2009 has not been a very kind one to me so far, and im kinda expecting it to continue through out the rest of the year... The Benjamin that everyone used to know, im ganna remove parts of him (personality here people!!!) and replace him with something new, different, and maybe cooler. I can say that i used to be a happy-go-lucky kinda guy and always smiling cracking up lame jokes just to try to put a smile of peoples face or do crazy stupid things to create the entertainment, yea i know some friends enjoy it or like the way i was. Although i feel happy making my friends smile and laugh, i did not feel that i was getting much respect from some of these friends of mine. Not to say that i have to be respected, but as in taken advantage kinda feeling. You know sometimes in a group of friends, there is normally one person out of the group that gets picked on the most? Bullied, and other stuff like that? Well.. I felt that i was that "guy". Nobody likes to feel this way, and i HELL dont wanna fucking feel this way anymore. So i have decided that probably a change in my personality or attitude might just do the trick and if i play my cards right,i just might be a stronger guy.
I have been told by many friends that im a player, a flirt, the "ladiesman" and etc. When i used to go to church, i was know as the guy who flirts the most in the church, even the pastor knew about it and everyone and then warns me not to disturb the girls.=.=. Yes i was like wtf... Anyways, for that part of my life i did enjoy the company of the ladies. I did enjoy getting to know the ladies. Most of my friends say every chick i meet i would flirt with them... Well you're not right, nor are you wrong. Sounds stupid, but i have to definitions of the word "flirt". To me, there is a flirt to know the girl, and the flirt to get the girl. Success rate of both types of flirt < 10%. Sometimes when im not with the company of any girls, i would feel kinda sad and would want to look for some chicks to get to know. But lately in the past few months, not every girl are what they seem to tell you bout themselves. People say that a man would do/say anything for/to a lady, that might be true, but i have recently found out that there are a number of girls that are just like guys. They would say anything to get your attention!!!
Just found out that im the type of guy that girls like to get close too just for a little bit of attention. I tell my girl friends that if they every need a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen or just someone to talk to, im there for them. But some of these girls take advantage of me! They would share their problems with me ( no biggie) then get really really close with me, some of them showing signs, then just FUCK me up! I mean im a guy ok. A girl showing me attention, getting close with me, giving me signs is something big for a guy, well most guys. After that, when they are back to their normalselves they just screw you over. I dont feel appriciated by most of these people. Women, cant live with them, cant live without them.
I dont want to a ladies man anymore, or at least for now, i dont want to be a flirt, i dont want to be a player. I mean think about it guys, life is not all about chicks. I have decide to try to keep my mind on 2 things. First would be my studies and second would be to get a good body =P Then maybe one day later in the future i would start all this bullshit bout flirting again haha. The body then would be a big help =D
Am not pissed with the girls that fucked me over. Though one or two of those situations nearly got me in to shit. But its ok, im cool with it. Like most of you know, im a forgiving guy =) Just a simply word would do the magic!!
We'll see how well this transformation of mine be... Hopefully i become a better person, maybe even a better friend.
just wanting to be a cooler guy....
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