First post of 2010...

Its kinda interesting how things in life can turn out far away from anything you expected. Its funny how things that seems so simple and fixed, can just turn itself inside out right before your very eyes and before you know it its too late to turn back? Yea life can sometimes be full of shit and there can be periods where there’s just nothing great bout life, but at the end of the day, there always seems to be a silver lining. You just gatta know where to look.

Last year was an extremely interesting year for me. New things came in life and old things in life, well some of it left. Im no longer depressed I can say proudly. Well at least no longer a sad pathetic little fuck anymore. I’ve matured in so many different ways, countless ways! Have had my eyes open to the reality of life by my best friend. And I thank her so much for her getting me out of a situation that I now see that if continued, I would regret. Or things wouldn’t have worked out…

Last year was a shitty year for me, and was really looking forward to this new year, 2010, thinking to myself that, “Ahh, a new year means I can start living a whole new me!!” But unfortunately its not how I expected this new year to start. But now settling down with the new me, Im defiantly happier than before. I’ve got my friends to thank for, that includes you best friend, for being there for me when I was down. They were always there to comfort me, listen to me whine, and just back me up when I needed help. I cant thank you people enough. Especially my best friend. =)

In fact I think I have a whole new understanding for life now. I now know that most of my life I’ll never have things done the way I want it or get what I want. Life can be a real bitch most of the time, but there’s no point crying over something that you’ve got absolutely no control over right? So what I’ve learnt is to bear with it, learn from it, and just move on with life, cause life waits for no one. I think I’ve become more real. Have been woken up from my fantasy and was hit hard by the harshness of reality. Im defiantly stronger than yesterday. Im going to push further and further in life and make sure I become what im suppose to become, and be whoever I wanna be. I aint ganna let know body change who I am. I am who I am and if people don’t like it, well that’s why too bad. You cant expect me to wear a mask forever right? So im just ganna be me.

Haiz… Lately I’ve been getting myself into a shit load of trouble. Parents been up my neck, some friends been real irritating, got myself into another accident, fml, 3rd accident in the past 3 months! Fuck this shit over and over fucking again , Basically just getting myself into trouble with every move I make,… *smacks on head*

Anyways, now I can say I think I have found the right one for me. She’s been in front of me for the past 3 years, and I was either too blind to see her or just been living in my fantasy world all this time. In my previous posts, I mentioned a girl, the girl of my dreams, and how in love I was with her. Well things change, people change, life changes… I was really willing to give up my whole world for her, but for whatever reason I got rejected by her, not once, but 3 times! She told me that she had feelings for me as well but does not want to be in a relationship with me… hmm… Go figure. Although I said all those things, like I said, my eyes have been open. Most of the time I’ve been wearing a mask in front of her and being my true self.

So now with this girl (girlfriend) I can be myself. The best thing bout this girl is that I really don’t have to do anything to try impress her! I don’t have to take her out on special dates, I don’t need to buy her gifts, I don’t need to do anything to make her want to like me! All I have to do is just be who I am and she fell for me. How much easier can things get? Lol. Jk. The point here is that I can just be myself. Now that’s something you don’t find in most girls. I can do whatever I please, as in go ta kei, shisha, club, party and just bout anything and she’s cool with it. Another attribute I so adore bout her is that she’s able to mingle with my friends. She’s not those kinda girls where they just sit there quietly and “observe” , saying “No la dear, I enjoy watching you..” I mean its kinda boring don’t you think… My girl, she gets herself involved!!!! She’s just comfortable with the people and places I hang with.

Come to think bout it, both of us have a tone of stuff in common. We’re practically the same people. I know it sounds weird and freaky, but she understands me so well. And I too understand her. We talk practically the same way, both loves a challenge, both are stupid enough to do stupid dares…. We even argue the same way… similar la….

This girl has made me laugh genuinely countless times! She’s also been one of the few people who helped me when I was down. She would come up with lame things to make me laugh, or at least put a smile on my face, she’d come all the way to my place just to make sure im doing alright, she’d even buy me strepsils just cause I had a cough.

I know im really in love with this girl, funny thing is, before we got together, we were both talking bout being players… haha! Damn stupid man those talks LMAO! She’s really an awesome girl and I wouldn’t give her up for anything the world has to offer me.

Have done and said numerous things to make her think bout our relationship to the extend that she cried, and im sorry. Am truly truly sorry for saying some of the things that I should not have said, reacting the way I reacted, or let you see even a little of my dark side I me. I promise that I’ll never let you see that side of me again. Promise…

She has really made me a happier guy. I know its weird for most people when they hear stories like this and say things like “what the hell? Its BennnnN!” or “ Yea right, Ben is just playing you…” Though things like this do cheese me off, I honestly couldn’t be bothered. Im happy with this girl and as long as I have her, its those fuckers who say things like that who are the losers!

Today, regardless of what people have to say, I’m more than happy and proud to say that

IM THE MONKEY THAT FELL FOR MY BEST FRIEND!!






I love you Abbie…