Go figure...

What i have done in the past i cannot change. What i CAN do is something about it. I've made some pretty bad decisions before and it looks like im paying for it now. For those who knew what i've went through last year, then you'll know what im talking about. And NO im not only talking bout my "love life", but im talking bout things in general.

Im admit im no perfect guy, or even close to anything perfect. Most of the time i dont think enough before i act or react to certain situations. Well i guess that's just the fucked up part bout me. I always try to please everyone, well at least "try" to give them what i want. Have always been doing that all my life, till it came a time when i started to realize..."Hey, what bout what i want?"

Before, whenever i could offer a helping hand, i'd do it. Most of the time it'll be for friends, and honestly i'd be MORE THAN HAPPY to help out! Most of the times.. lol. But still i do want to help out my friends however i can. To the extend that i put myself in such a situation that not only does it not benefit me, but fucks things up for me. I either do something wrong, or get scolding for it. Either way, i get into trouble, and thats just fucked up man...

About the past... I cannot erase the things i've done, but try to make the best out of it. Not only for my past, but for anyone else. If you've fucked up before, well try not to fuck up again! In mu situation, i dont think im doing a very good job trying to NOT fuck up things again. Its everything i think, do, say that's just wrong. Have made a million mistakes before and im trying to fix it. I dont believe in people saying "hey we'll just see what happens" when it comes to something rather important or serious. Hate being in the dark!

I was young, naive and foolish. Who i was before this is not the same person i am today. I dont want to be looked at as the guy i was before for i am not proud of who i was. In fact, im a little more proud of who i am today! And im moving forward with whatever i have left with me. Problem is, the past is always there. Right behind me, waiting to find a reaons, an excuse, a fucking chance to just ruin things.

Im sorry for the things i've done and said before. I did not know what or even who i was then. I was blinded, but now my eyes have been opened and i see clearly what is going on. Im moving on, there is no point crying over and over again over spilled milk. YOu fucked up? Cry it out, whine it out, shout it out if you have to, but get over it! Learn from your fucked upness and move on. Im trying to do that, but the fucking past keeps chasing me and just bites me in the ass!!

I dont know if its true or not, but i get the feeling that some important people in my life are giving up on me. Saying, "Oh, no worries there's always something/someone else..." I mean come on man! Even if its true, you dont have to go and say it out loud! I know im not perfect and im sorry for being who i am.

Im not blogging bout this for pity, for those who think im asking for your pity? Well fuck you over and over again! Im just saying whats going on. The title of this blog is My Life. Dont like what you've been reading? You are more than welcome to fuck off!

Instead of making you happy, i seem to be making your unhappiness out number the happy times. I just wanna be a better man, but everything i seem to do just seems wrong. I think i just need to grow up a lot more and a lot faster, cause this shit aint doin no body no good... FML...